uptight

So, Sunday. I led worship at church. There were a lot of parts to my "plan" that needed to come together, and the hour before the service started just didn't seem like enough time to get it all organized. There was a video and a reader's theater. There was music; especially one song that split into parts and we weren't sure the congregation could carry it off. There were announcements and prayers and, and…

And then it was time to start, ready or not.

And it all went pretty well. No major glitches, although there were some minor ones that I would have liked to fix. But all in all, I think (hope) it was a worshipful experience. All the elements tied together well, and even maybe enhanced the sermon.

I felt one bit of disappointment, as the attendance was quite low. Probably not over 50 people. I wanted to be discouraged, after all the effort that went into it, that so few people actually got to experience it. But God reminded me that that wasn't the point. In the end it's important that He was glorified and that people were drawn closer to Him.

When the service was over I realized the muscles between my shoulder blades were tight and sore. (They still are.) Yeah. I guess I was pretty uptight.

Another reason I might have been tense is that I dove into a writing project today. It isn't one that I wanted to do, necessarily, but it is stuck in my head and won't leave me alone. I figure the only way to get it off my mind is just write it down and get it out of there.

I partially blame the Spiritual Disciplines book I read recently. He suggested one way to pray is to take a bad situation and imagine how it might look if it was healthy, if God really got in there and had His way with it. That concept struck me and stuck with me, because I have a pretty vivid imagination. I liked the idea a lot. But there is this one person, this one situation. It seems beyond the capacity of my imagination to picture it healthy or conceive of how God could get it to that point. And so it gnaws at me.

This has been months now, but even more so since I have been thinking about writing more "seriously" — meaning more than just blog. And then a few days ago, I kind of heard Him urging my heart. "Write his redemption," He said.

I have been very hesitant, almost fearful, to start, because in order to do so I will need to put myself into this person's shoes; try to see the world from his perspective. That's a scary prospect, and also very sad. I don't want to go there. But today I started.

Not fun, necessarily, and yet I must admit my creative juices are flowing. I have a sense of significance about this venture.

Last thing for the night: after church we went with a family to a "cook your own soup" place. I don't know if they have any in the US or not. Here they're called suki soup. Had about 3 small bowls of mostly broth and veggies. And so on our way home I convinced Mr. to stop for ice cream. It was great, but afterward I felt a little guilty. Here I am working so hard to lose weight. Why am I craving ice cream every other day or so now? What a stupid thing to indulge in, when what I really want is a strong, trim body! Grr. Disappointed in myself.

(But it tasted soooo good.) :-(

PS: In all my creativity today I forgot to stop and take a photo. So, tonight I was wandering around my house looking for inspiration. I liked the random way my computer and the remotes were angled on our little end tables, and stood up on the couch to get a view from the top. The cat became curious about what I was doing and jumped up on the table to see. I think she perfects the shot. Totally.

PPS: I can't believe we've started another new month. Yikes!!