TV

So, today started out well. I woke up with a clear plan of what needed to be done. I worked steadily most of the morning, starting with a jog--my last before the 3k. Did various errands, tying up loose ends before we leave tomorrow. Got home in time for lunch with the Mr. He made sandwiches. We are trying to use up out leftovers and empty the fridge. Just ate the last of the turkey yesterday. Got about 5 meals out of that turkey!

After lunch I got some calendars ready to be delivered, and then wanted to relax a little bit. So I turned on the TV. I thought it would be just for an hour or so. But I kept finding things I wanted to watch. I got my computer and worked on a project, but I know the TV slowed me down terribly. I am NOT a multi-tasker!

Feeling a little bad about it, but as I type this blog the TV is still on. Grrrr.

Made tacos for supper, and used up most of the rest of our leftovers. Dishes, trash, cleaned out the kitty litter.

I've been trying to give the cat extra attention since we're leaving tomorrow, but she was having none of it. She didn't want to play and she didn't want to cuddle. She was just generally discontent. I will give it another shot before bed. Still stressing a bit about leaving her, but she did fine last time, and this trip is shorter.

People

Well, things seem back to normal with my Mr. and me after last night. Our making up is never very satisfying to me. It usually consists of me apologizing and apologizing, and him saying it's forgotten, or not a big deal. Not very emotional, not very reassuring. I fear he just tucks it away somewhere and internalizes things. :-( But we're back to our normal, comfortable way of interacting. I hope he doesn't believe half the things I said last night.

Today was full of people time! We watched our teammates' one-and-a-half-year old first thing so they could go out for breakfast. Then I went straight to a coaching session with a single woman here in town. After that, on to lunch with some friends who are selling our calendars for us. Then a little down time, and then off to visit a Japanese friend who I haven't seen since we got back.

It was satisfying in a way. I feel like I did valuable things with the day, investing in people like that. And, as much as I'm an introvert, I guess I don't suck at being with people. That stupid test I took yesterday listed one of my strengths as being "relational". 

But tomorrow I hope to make up for it with lots of creative projects. I will need to structure and plan my day to get everything done that I want to. It probably won't happen.

However, the day after tomorrow we head out of town for six days, so I need to wrap up some loose ends. And it means it's time to start worrying about leaving the kitty alone again. I feel horrible about it. Especially since the girl who came and spent time with her last time is unable to do so this week. But she'll be fine, and anyway—what can I do?

Hmmm. I think I'll go seek the kitty out and spend some quality time with her right now…

Frustration

It really was a fine day. Not bad at all. I shouldn't let the fact that it ended poorly color the whole day. 

I got up and jogged. It really wasn't bad; I fell into a rhythm sort of, and it didn't seem like such a monumental effort to keep putting one foot in front of another. Good news, seeing that my 3K "fun run" (what's fun about it???) is in less than a week now.

I saw a guy running all out during my exercise this morning. I typically meet him jogging, but this time he was sprinting. It must have been at the end of his route. Anyway, I realized that I can't remember the last time I ran just as fast as I could, full speed. It made me kind of sad. I briefly considered trying it then and there, but I had already jogged my full distance and was pooped. Besides, I was afraid of pulling, twisting or breaking something. Isn't that sad? When did I start to think like such an old person?

Home, breakfast, devotions that I actually stayed awake for. Lunch and meeting with team-mates, home. Then the trouble began.

We have to take this test for our work, to determine our strengths. I did the reading required beforehand, and then logged onto their web site and took the test. The results weren't too surprising; I'm pretty aware of my strengths. The frustrating thing is that I am unable, at this time, to utilize those areas of strength.

Because of our chosen profession, where we live, and an element of transitions in our lives, I simply can't use some of my strengths. These tests assume that if you know your strengths, you'll automatically begin to use and develop them. Why don't they take into account that there are other factors that might get in the way? My life is tied into that of another, and that requires some give and take. I need to be more concerned about seeing him thrive than I should be concerned about my own personal satisfaction.

Of course, it is a struggle to achieve and maintain that attitude. And so this test made me grumpy, frustrated not only that I am giving some things up, but that now I have to work hard once again to be OK with it.

Of course, my Mr. could tell I was upset. But I didn't know how to explain things without him hearing regret and reproach. I tried anyway, did it badly, and he indeed hear me saying it was all his fault and I was sorry to be stuck here with him. I should just learn not to try to express things in the heat of emotions. It doesn't work so well.

So here we are. I'm exhausted and my Mr. has gone to bed, he's hiding behind a book waiting to fall asleep. I'm nodding off as I type. We'll work it out, I'm sure…

…just not tonight!

Turkey Take Two & Three

I am embarrassed to admit that my whole day consisted of cooking, eating, napping, reading my Bible, and going to church. Actually, I didn't get as much Bible study done as I intended, because I kept falling asleep while I was reading. I hope God understands. I was up until midnight and only managed to sleep in until 6. I really need to get more sleep.

I was disappointed that I nodded off during devotions. I was really looking forward to digging in and connecting with God. I wonder if He's as disappointed as I am. ??? It's a thought.

We used the Thanksgiving leftovers twice today. This morning I put the neck, giblets and all the bones from the roast turkey into a pot with water and veggies and made soup stock. We had pho (Vietnamese noodle soup) for lunch. Delicious. Then for supper we had our Thanksgiving meal all over again. Yum! Leftovers are great.

The cat has been less than cuddly today. I played with her this morning, with a ball on a string. I was standing, dangling it for her to chase. I must have bent over a little too far, because during one especially enthusiastic leap at the ball, the kitty caught my forehead with her claw. That'll leave a mark, but hopefully my bangs will cover it. I was hoping for some cuddle time tonight after the blog, but it seems that my Mr. has gotten her all riled up. She's currently streaking wildly through the apartment, batting at a whiffle golf ball. Oh well. Maybe she'll wear out soon and I'll get a little cuddling after all.

First Turkey

I hosted a late thanksgiving dinner at my house tonight. It was a day filled with firsts. I roasted my first turkey ever, baked my first batch of homemade stuffing, and whisked up my first gravy ever. All of which I researched on line before attempting. (How did people ever manage before the internet???) Let me tell you, it was an all-day project. (The only photos I had time to snap were of my table setting. I didn't even get a shot of my first turkey before it got carved up.) I guessed, faked it, and improvised a lot. But in the end I must (humbly) admit everything turned out GREAT!

I had one of those cheater turkeys with the pop-out thingy to tell you when it's done. I had a timer set as well, and wouldn't you know it—that plastic button popped out just as there were 59 seconds left on the timer. Can't get it much more accurate than that!

My guests brought lots of stuff, too. Mashed potatoes, veggies, homemade dinner rolls (wow!), a pumpkin pie, and a cheesecake. Everything was just YUM. All in all I think it was a great night.

Most of the day my Mr. just stayed out of the way in the safety of his office, although he did chop mushrooms, and then washed ALL the dishes after dinner. What a guy.

The cat slept at strategic times (when my hands were stuck inside a turkey, for instance), and then woke up while the guests were here. She wasn't quite sure what to make of all the people, and seemed a bit stressed out. Now she's sleeping again, exhausted from all the excitement.

It's time for me to get some rest, too. I've been up since 5:30 this morning. I jogged, which took a real measure of will power. But tomorrow I'm giving myself a break. No jogging, just sleeping in as long as I can. (Which isn't usually very long.) :-(

I'm so grateful everything turned out. Phew.

Honesty

It was a good day. Interesting mix of events, but nice. Jogged, got a small blister, but I fell into a rhythm that felt comfortable for a short time. Good development. Home, out to breakfast, back home, shower, devotions. However, the cat cuddled up on my chest and fell asleep. Sooo cozy. I loved it. I fell asleep too. So much for devotions.

But I still had to accomplish things today, so I got up and researched how to cook a turkey, which is my big project for tomorrow. I think I have a handle on it. (???) Made a shopping list, and my Mr. went and got it all. We made lunch, and then we were off and running.

The rest of the afternoon we met with people who were interested in selling our calendars. They were all friends of ours, and it was not only good to see them, but they were enthusiastic about our product.

Made soup for supper at home and then enjoyed Myth Busters and (yes, I'm properly embarrassed) America's Next Top Model. I love the photos; they're so artistic. Anyway, it's soon time for bed.

However, to justify the title I gave this blog, I had a frustrating conversation yesterday and I want to vent a little. A visitor from the US stated that there's honesty, and there's dishonesty. Cut and dried. Black and white. He prides himself in being a world traveler and very experienced.

I tried to tell him that it isn't that simple here, but he persisted. I don't enjoy a "good" argument and I don't think quickly enough for verbal sparring, so I didn't challenge him further. But I was very frustrated.

How do you explain that we live in a world where the law isn't "law". It is flexible, and bends and flows depending on who you are or how much money you are willing to pay. Sometimes "laws" simply disappear, sometimes they mysteriously materialize out of nowhere.

I know a foreigner who is able to do things no one else is able to do simply because he's in good with a high-ranking general. Is that honest or dishonest?? It's the system here. He's just working within that framework.

I also know that when you sincerely are trying to follow all the laws, the officials still expect something called "ink money" for their signatures. In short, a bribe. You don't get any further until you do that.

I feel frustrated sometimes when people over-simplify things, and judge me because I can no longer do that. The world is so much more complex than I ever dreamed. There's an air of arrogance when we pretend to have it all figured out.

Thanksgiving

Today was a fun, unusual day. 

I went to a huge market and looked at lots of fabric. I was helping a friend get started on the interior decor of her new restaurant. Now we're talking about paint colors. I'm really looking forward to this project. Lunched with her and her parents.

Home, cuddled with the cat.

Later, had thanksgiving take-out with friends. It was REALLY good. And the company was even better. They have a special thanksgiving table cloth that they and their guests write down what they're thankful for every year. It's a great idea. Here's what I wrote:

"I'm thankful that I'm learning to look for beauty, joy and God's good gifts in the small every-day things…

…and for my cat."

:-)

It was a good Thanksgiving.

Now I have to get to bed because we're going to get up at 2 in the morning to call my Mr.'s family at their Thanksgiving celebration. Yawn! Glad it won't be video skype!

Rest

I promised myself that after my big Christmas card/calendar project was finished, I could have a quiet day, with no guilt. I almost pulled it off.

Didn't feel like jogging, so I didn't. But my mind told me that I should use that extra time to have extended Bible study. So, I still drug myself out of bed before 6 and went out to my favorite chair to "study". An hour and a half later, my Mr. woke me up to ask if I wanted to go out for breakfast. Yes.

Home again, played with the kitty until she was content. Straightened the mess that had strewn itself throughout my house in the process of getting the mailing together. Then I really had my Bible study. Shopping (bought a turkey; we'll celebrate Thanksgiving on Saturday) lunch and then… a foot massage! Yes!

Did some research on cooking a turkey, since I have never done it before. Then we babysat our teammates' one-year-old so that they could go out. A late, but nice supper at a French restaurant. Aiming to get to bed by 10 tonight, right after this blog. Yes.

On a side note, I got new tennis shoes today. They are about 1/3 the price of the ones we bought in the US, and I can tell the quality is lower. But if they last more than 6 months, I will be well satisfied. Tomorrow I begin to break them in. Not yes. Boooo.

Fifteen minutes and counting until bed time. Yes!!!

Completion

Well, my big project is finished. Christmas cards done, addressed, packaged with the calendars, sealed and delivered. I have a few hesitations about they guy carrying them back for us, but I'm sure everything will be fine.

In the mean time, my house is a wreck. Pieces of the project strewn all about. I plan to pull things back into order tomorrow, but tonight I get to relax. Maybe some chocolate, TV, time with the cat. 

Who, by the way, has been SO naughty. I think she's bored and rebelling at being ignored. She has taken to shredding toilet paper, knocking over trash cans, and jumping on the kitchen table. I also caught her drinking out of the toilet bowl, which is disturbing because she enjoys licking my face. Hmmm. 

I feel like a lot of things I have put on hold will need to be picked up tomorrow. But I guess I'll worry about that then.

Cards!

I jogged this morning. Fixed the hole in my tennis shoe lining with a pad. That's right. A feminine napkin. I stuck the adhesive side right to the lining. It stayed in place and worked well. No blister! It was so comfortable, I thought I'd maybe try it in the other shoe as well. Only problem is, that by the time I got home it was pretty much shredded. This is going to get expensive if I have to replace two pads every day. 

Embarrassing thing is, that's pretty much the highlight of my day. I prepared a thank-you card, a birthday card, and an anniversary card, and delivered them to a friend who flew out this afternoon. Had a lunch meeting. Worked on Christmas cards the rest of the day. Tomorrow is the deadline. I will have to work fast!

The cat is mad at me because I've been so busy all day. She seems to think she's being neglected. Going to go make it up to her, and then get to bed.

Tired

Sunday. I called my grandma this morning. She was thrilled to hear from me, and couldn't get over the fact that I was calling from my computer. 

The rest of the day was spent on Christmas cards and calendars. I handed out a number of orders at church. Many positive comments on the design.

Now I'm pretty tired and just want to go to bed. However, I have a cuddly cat on my lap. I'm quite a sucker for a cuddly cat. Maybe just a little quality time on the couch…

Egg on my Face

Well, I need to majorly recheck my attitude. Today (the second full day of seminars) two people asked me specifically to advise or coach them. A third person lamented in general the lack of mentoring in her life, desiring someone who would pour into her the way she has poured into so many other people.

So, maybe people actually do want advice. They sincerely want someone to invest in them. From what I heard today, they are crying out for it. But there seems to be very few who are willing or able fill that role. My heart wanted to respond; I wanted to meet that need for them. Not necessarily because I'm the right person for the job, but because everyone deserves that kind of affirmation.

I'm really nervous about the one couple. They want to talk to me and Mr. together. From what I gather, we are about 180° opposite of them in ministry philosophies. Finally, someone wants to hear from us, and probably most of what we have to say will be unwelcome. But they honestly seem to desire to learn. We need wisdom to know how to fill our speech with both grace AND truth.

God, help me humble myself and free me from the anger that I was surprised to find hiding in my heart.

Bugged

In a rather foul mood tonight. I guess there are many factors. Sitting down to write this blog has made me stop and sort them out.

I'm tired, that's one. I didn't get anything done on the Christmas cards today, which makes me feel panicked. But probably the root of it all is I sat all day and listened to people present plans for their future life and ministry in this country.

I suppose it makes me grumpy for two reasons. One, our own future is so uncertain, and two, I see people heading into similar mistakes as the ones we made early on, and I see no way to stop it. Many are not even learning the local language, which is really distressing to me.

However, I feel like a jerk being so judgmental. Especially when I know that most of these people are truly seeking to do what God wants. And He can choose to work in different ways through different people.

My principles and the conclusions I have drawn after 11+ years here are my own. My path is unique, and the lessons I am walking away with might be specifically for me and no one else. I don't know. If I do speak up I sound harsh and cynical, and I'm tired of that role. People easily shrug off advice they don't want to hear, anyway.

So, off to bed with me. More of the same tomorrow, and I must find a way to be in a better frame of mind.

Complaints

I guess what's the use of having a blog if you can't complain once in a while. I have two specific complaints to lodge today:

1) I have worn a hole in my tennis shoe. These are not old tennis shoes, nor are they cheap. We bought them in the US; a name brand, not some questionable knock-off like we get here in Asia. They were also about twice as much as we usually pay in Asia, but we thought, "Hey, these are the REAL THING. They're going to last. They're worth it." That was less than six months ago, and now I have a hole in the lining of the heel of my right shoe. And now, thanks to that hole, I have a huge blister on my right heel. As if motivating myself to get out there and exercise wasn't already hard enough. What am I going to do? The 3k run is in less than 3 weeks. I guess I need to invest in band-aids or something until I can get a new pair. >:-(

2) I have noticed, when I get down on the floor to play with the cat, that getting up is not as easy as it once was. It seems like an awfully long way to pull myself to my feet. In fact, I have found myself just lying there on the tile floor, wondering if getting up is absolutely necessary. Somehow, I always find a reason why I must, in fact, lumber back to a standing position.

When did this happen? I mean, jeez-um-pete, I'm not (quite) forty yet! This shouldn't be so hard, should it?? My Mr. theorizes that it's all the exercising I'm doing. His philosophy is that exercise is, in the long run, bad for your health.

In any case, it makes me feel old. Another >:-(  .

Spent about 4 hours on the Christmas cards today, and got about 100 assembled. Half way there. Bent over my work too much, and now my back aches a bit too. That settles it. Just move me into an assisted care facility.

Bah.

Dried Bananas

That's what's in the baskets in this photo, in case any one was wondering. Bananas drying in the sun. I liked the bold colors of the chairs and baskets.

It was a full day. I did indeed get up and exercise at 5 this morning. So far I feel OK, but it's "the morning after" when I usually feel it most. So, the real challenge will be to get up tomorrow and do it again.

We fed a beggar at breakfast. Two or three had already come through, and my Mr. always invited them to sit down and he'd buy them a plate of food. No one took him up on it; I don't think many believed he'd really do it. Then this "old" lady came by, and sat down the first time he spoke to her. Come to find out, she was just in her early 70s, but looked even older. She wolfed down that plate of food so fast. We tried to get to know her a bit, but she was not really interested in talking. We just told her when she was finished that we gave her the food because Jesus loves her. She was really grateful and sweet. So sad.

Got my hair trimmed today. I like how it turned out. My hairdresser was on a real rant today. She was venting so fast I had to scramble to keep up with the language, but the gist of it is that she feels that her countrymen are impolite and uncultured. She feels embarrassed by the state of her country at this point. Those in power are getting richer and richer and the poor people are going "crazy" in her words. She blames first the government, which is corrupt, and then the people themselves. I just sat and listened much of the time. I had to agree with some of her points, but was sad not to be able to give any comfort or encouragement. The best I came up with was that we're praying, and we have a heart to help, although we haven't been able to find any good solutions yet.

Meeting over lunch. I hate feeling like I've let people down. I probably imagine many of the "expectations" I perceive from others, but I feel like I really dropped the ball on this particular commitment while we were in the States. 

I did other things in the afternoon, when really I feel pressure to be working on my Christmas cards. The other things were important, too. Not so much time spent on the cat today. She's feeling rather neglected now.

I also neglected to spend time with God today. I actually miss making the connection; I feel the lack in my day, in my soul. I think I'm going to give it a shot tonight, although this is not the best time of day for that. I usually fall asleep. But we'll give it a try.

Distracted

I feel like I didn't get much done today, although if I sit down and list it all out, I bet I will be surprised.

Got up, played with the cat. Devotions, breakfast meeting, came home. Played with the cat. Washed a load of laundry, worked on Christmas card list, made lunch, washed dishes. Nap with the cat. Worked on updating addresses for the Christmas card list. Sent e-mails while Mr. delivered calendars to stores. Supper meeting, came home. Played with the cat, cleaned the litter box. Blog.

OK. See? It was a pretty productive day after all. I just feel a little frazzled because I have just realized how short a time I have to get the Christmas mailing done, and I feel like I spent a bit too much time with the cat today. She's SO distracting. Even when I was working on the addresses, she was sleeping on my lap, thus slowing down the process a little bit. But she was sooooo happy. Worth it? I think so!

I do so appreciate my Mr.. Without him my creative projects would all amount to very little. I love to make things, but he has the business mind to carry out the practical details. I balk at going out, meeting people, dealing with money. I'm glad we're a team.

Well, it's already kind of late, and I MUST get up and exercise tomorrow. I have put it off for far too many days, and the 3k run in in just three more weeks or so. Bah. My mind always tells my body it will thank us for the exercise, but it never does. Mostly it complains the rest of the day in the form of sore muscles and weariness. When does it start feeling good??

Clingy Kitty

Well, we made it back home. No massages today, unless you count the kneading of my kitty's claws on my leg as she purrs like a motorboat. She's a little clingy. First she gave us a piece of her mind for being gone so long. Then we cuddled, played, rested, cuddled, played, had a little time apart, and now we're cuddling again. I think she missed me. But I'm still so grateful for the people who checked in on her while we were gone.

The lady who we hired to clean the house and feed the cat said that one day when she stopped in, the cat's paws smelled bad, like poo. So, she washed them. I guess that's full service! She'll wash your house and your cat, as well! She made me laugh.

It took just about 5 1/2 hours to get back today. It wasn't a bad trip. On the way, the guy from the printer's called. He was ready to deliver our calendars. So, less than 2 hours after we arrived home, 3,500 calendars showed up at our house. I am reasonably pleased with them. I pounded them out so fast; it's easy to feel they're lacking a little in artistry. But I'm probably my own worst critic. I hope they sell well this year.

I can't believe how busy this week is going to be. So much for the leisure of last week; we have meetings every day, with 2 full days of seminars Friday and Saturday. I don't know if I'm going to get to work on the Christmas cards this week, but they really need to get done. AND, I really need to get the calendars distributed so that people can start buying them. How did all this pile up at once?

But for now, I have a happy, sleepy kitty on my lap. I'll enjoy the quiet for a little while longer.

Hot Oil Head Massage

Since the head massage was short, I threw in a 1/2 hour foot massage, too. So I was relaxed from head to toe. Very nice. Only problem is I lathered my hair 4 times to get the oil out, and my hair still looked greasy the rest of the day.

Tomorrow we travel back home. A 5 to 6 hour trip to look forward to, over rough(ish) roads. But it will be nice to be back in our home again. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!

We attended a friend's art exhibit opening tonight. He did a good job, it looked great, and seemed to be very well received. 

Part of me wants to enter into that world, but part of me doesn't. They have been pulling all-nighters, forgetting to eat, doing everything in a communal, group, last-minute type way. I remember times like that, working on theater productions. It doesn't have as much appeal to me any more. It just makes me feel tired. I have known what it's like to eat, sleep and breathe something, and it just doesn't seem good to me any more.

Anyway, I have always seen art more as an individual, solitary pursuit. I don't quite get this collaborative work-together fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants approach. I have always preferred to be more isolated, more deliberate. Even when doing sets, I would cherish the late nights when everyone would be in bed, and I would have the theater to myself. That's the only time I could really relax and let it flow.

But then again, I have always felt like a lousy fine artist. I create commercially, on demand. I have never done art just for "art's sake." Don't get me wrong; I have to create, it just needs to have some purpose, some reason. 

A lot of stuff I see today that's "real" or "raw" just doesn't appeal to me. There's so much ugliness and chaos in the world already. Why add to it by making ugly art? Make something beautiful. Something peaceful. Something that gives hope. Something that makes the world a better place.

Stop trying to make a statement. Make beauty.

Maybe that will be my statement.

Sea Salt Scrub

Feeling better today. I had an older, more mature masseuse for this scrub. No comments on my breasts, but she was very conscientious about getting my armpits well exfoliated. I don't know what it is about these abrasive massages, but they leave me really relaxed. Maybe it's the stimulation of all the surface nerve endings, instead of the deep muscle rubbing.

I feel like it was a very productive day. There was some quiet, reflective time by the pool reading and thinking. I exercised, and I also stamped like a maniac. I got the stamping done on all 200 cards in, like, 3 hours.

There is something wonderfully precise about stamping. The image never varies. With a little skill on your part, you can be confident of the same result every time. Sure, you can goof it up — too much or too little ink, rolling the stamp too far so that the edge of the rubber makes a mark, centering the image poorly — but once you get the hang of it, it's a very satisfying process. I really got on a roll with my 200 cards, and found the repetition of the task enjoyable and relaxing.

Bought our tickets to go back home tonight, from an older guy sitting by the side of the road in a little booth, wearing just shorts and a fanny pack. Wouldn't you like to be able to work like that? He loved that we spoke his language, and gave us the "national" price, which was $1 less than the "foreigner" price. Yes, there are two prices. It can get old, but tonight we came out on the nice end of the bargain.

Just two more days until I see my kitty!

I got a call today about doing some photography and decorating work. Pretty excited about that. I am terrible at setting prices, so will need to give that some thought. I am also placing an ad in a small booklet advertising local business, so we'll see what comes of that. The thought of more creativity in the near future really gets me jazzed.

Funny thing for the day:
I have only one or two nationals as "friends" on Facebook, and the other day one popped up while I was logged in, wanting to chat. We typed back and forth a few times, and then she sent something that left me completely stumped. It was so puzzling, I copied it, and here is what she said:

"than u wourkorean food

goo or not"

There seemed to be no context for this, as we had been discussing a concert, or so I thought. In desperation, I finally replied, "I like Korean food." It seemed to be a satisfactory response.

Sore Hand Massage

(No, that's not really a massage.)

I didn't get a massage today, because I wasn't feeling so well. The Indian food that went in SOOO delightfully came back out quite painfully throughout the night. In the morning I awoke feeling rather beat up and still ill at ease. I ate tentatively most of the day and so far so good, but I didn't want to be in the middle of a massage and have to make a mad dash for the bathroom.

In spite of feeling sickly, I had a great four-hour skype chat with my family this morning. That's right, FOUR hours.

I did manage to get the rest of the cutting finished for my Christmas cards, though. Using an exacto knife for a few hours can leave fingers a bit blistered, and hand muscles sore. Maybe I'll get my Mr. to give me a sore hand massage before bed.

So, now we're sitting in the lounge, drinking happy-hour-priced drinks for supper. (Neither of us is very hungry, and I hear gin and tonics are a great cure for upset stomachs.) Besides, there's always room service if we get hungry later.

The lounge singer is consistently flat, which is distressing. I think we're going to call it an early night. He says "thank you" after every song, even though no one is clapping.

Happy eleven/eleven/eleven, by the way. Too bad to be feeling poorly on such an auspicious day. Celebrate it well!

Traditional Herbal Facial

Same girl, not as much talking today. Since she was rubbing exfoliating scrub, oil, moisturizer and cucumber all over my face, she didn't want me to talk, for fear that I'd get something in my mouth. Much appreciated.

Have you ever had your face rubbed for about an hour straight? Not bad. Weird thing is it made me realize how tense the rest of my body was.

Daydreamed again a bit today. I am still unsure whether or not to feel guilty about that. On one hand, it seems like a silly escape from reality. Even more lamentable when I consider that true reality is thinking about and talking to God, which is much more beneficial by FAR. But then again, it seems like work at times. Not always, sometimes it's elating. But it does require some focus and effort. On the other hand, daydreaming is, well, like letting your mind play. ???

Besides that, I'm working on that massive Christmas card project I mentioned a while ago. Plan to make about 200. Right now I'm cutting out different parts of the card. Should finish that tomorrow. Then I have a lot of stamping to do. After that, assemble all the pieces. And THEN I need to actually write in them! Yikes!

Had Indian food tonight. What is it about the spices that gives me such a sense of well-being?? I don't know! Also, how is it that such small bowls of "gravy" and flat bread can be so filling? Another mystery! My Mr. and I shared two flavorful main dishes and two garlic naan. And since we both had garlic, it doesn't matter! We will reek together!

Funny Story of the day:
Two weeks ago I visited a flower shop that I used to frequent before we returned to the States. It is run by a lady who I met in the park, exercising. Some younger girls work there, and her elderly mother and father are also usually hanging around. Her mom took a shine to me when I first visited a year or two ago, so I have always made a point to stop and chat with her whenever I'm passing by.

This time (my first time back in six months), however, one of the younger girls pulled me aside and informed me that grandma had been quite sick while we were away, and didn't remember things so well anymore. She would often wander off, or get a motorbike taxi and forget where she was going. The girl confided that if they kept grandma busy with the flowers, she didn't tend to stray as much.

Saddened, I sat down to talk to grandma. She did seem to remember me, but was confused about a few talking points, like her daughter, and the new house they had been building when I left. So, I kept it to general topics, like the weather and her health. She told me she was fine, but then confided to me in a low voice, "They make me work all the time!"

Ha! She might be a little confused, but she's onto them!

Mystery Massage

Addendum: Trust is believing that God is firmly in control, and anything that comes into my life is good and right OR redeemable. Some things that people do to other people are simply evil and wrong. But God can take the ugliest thing and redeem it for good.

Needed to add that, as my thoughts evolve and clarify.

Tried to have devotions by the pool today; the nice, quiet area seemed perfect for contemplation. Except that, they chose to play a Glee CD at the exact same time. VERY distracting. "I am the vine, you are the branches…" "Don't stop believin'…" "Shout for joy to God our strength…" "…I'm defying gravity, and you won't bring me down…" "If you will keep the commandments which I am giving you today…" "…don't rain on my parade!" Wow. An exercise in concentration.

Funny story of the day:
It happened today, so the others will just have to wait.

As the title indicates, I am not sure what massage I actually got today. I thought I was going to get an herbal massage, but what I got felt more like a sea salt scrub, which is also an option at this spa. There was definitely salt and coarse sugar, and I feel quite buffed, polished, and scrubbed. One explanation could be that the English word "herbal" and the local word for "salt" sort of sound similar. I will try to untangle this mystery tomorrow.

Regardless, I got a young, 25-year-old girl who was absolutely fascinated by the fact that I spoke her language. Although apologizing many times that she was talking to me when she was sure I just wanted to relax, she simply couldn't help asking me all the questions that came to her mind. These included my marital status, if I had children and why not, my age and my weight. None of these questions are considered pushy or off-limits here. I'm just surprised we didn't get to my salary, and how much we pay to rent our house.

When she heard I was the ripe old age of 38, she exclaimed at how young I look. She told me she has an aunt my age, and she looks really old already. As she massaged and talked, she admired how pretty my skin was for someone so old. Mid-way through the massage, I flipped over and she began on the front. As she applied the scrub to my chest—polishing and buffing ALL over—she giggled and said, "Even your breasts are nice!" Oh, dear.

It's not always to your advantage to speak the local language.

Got a text from the woman who agreed to check in on my kitty. She said the little cat is happy and has plenty of food and water. Relief. 

Reflexology Foot Massage

OK. So, I get it. Trusting God doesn't mean trusting that He'll do what I ask Him to do. It's not believing that He'll give me what I want or orchestrate events the way I have in mind. That's kind of stupid and childish. Who, really, wants a God like that, bound to our every whim and desire?

Trusting Him means knowing without question that He's in total control, and believing that every event that comes into my life is perfectly, totally good and right, and if I knew all the angles, I wouldn't want to change a thing.

I get it. Not particularly easy, but I get it.

In case you're wondering, the title of my post is the kind of massage I had today. Yesterday was an Aromatic Oil Massage. I have decided that, since they have 7 massages on their list, and I am here 7 days, and the massages are 50% off, I am going to try every one. Luxurious, yes, but not as much as you think, since massages here typically run significantly cheaper than they do in the States.

And I'm going to write about one funny, random thing a day. These are stories that, when they happened, I thought, "That would be good on the blog," but they never made it. So, since my days this week will mainly consist of massages, exercise, eating, and making & writing Christmas cards, I will share one funny story every day.

In the open-air market where I shop, they post guards at every entrance with AK47s. Silly, really, because there isn't that much to steal. Overkill, in a potentially literal sense. So, a week or so ago I saw two guards walking through the market, one with an AK slung over his shoulder, the other with really long tongs, picking up trash. What happened? Did he lose the coin toss or something? (Actually they play a version of "rock, paper, scissors" since their currency doesn't have coins.) Was it like, "OK. Today I'll take the tongs, but tomorrow I get the AK47 and YOU pick up trash!" HA!

No word about my kitty. Trying not to worry. Trying to trust.

Worry

Well, as indicated by yesterday's entry, we are traveling. We left home this morning and traveled about 5 1/2 hours (over rough roads) to another town. We are hoping to escape the noisy celebrations that will take place in our home city throughout this week.

It also means my little cat is alone for 7 long days.

Worry, worry, worry.  Guilt, guilt, guilt.

I thought, "If I hire a housekeeper to come and feed her every day, then I'll feel OK about going."

Done. But still anxious.

"Well, if I can find a westerner who will come and check in on her from time to time, then everything will be fine."

Accomplished. But still I'm stressed, just sitting here thinking of all the things that could go wrong.

It isn't so much that I don't trust God. It's that I don't know what to trust Him for. What can I expect from God? He has promised to love us and to work everything out for our good. But He never promised that things would be easy, or happy all the time, or work out the way we want them to. He promises that His ways are right and perfectly good, but also that His ways are not mine. NOT very comforting.

I totally need to let this go. The hard truth is that we are never in control, regardless of how desperately we want to believe we are. How much less can I control this situation with my cat, five hours away?

Rest, rest, rest. Trust, trust, trust. LET GO.

I have been as responsible as I can be to take care of that kitten in my absence. When am I going to start trusting God's heart, really truly believing that His ways are better than my own?

 

Sparrows

Me: "God, will you take care of my kitty while we're gone? I don't even know if you care about kitties."

Him: "I notice even when one sparrow falls to the ground. I care."

Me: "Yeah, but even though you care, they still fall to the ground. It doesn't mean that bad things don't happen…"

- - - later, at church - - - 

Friend: "Hey, when do you guys leave?"

Me: "Tomorrow."

Friend: "How long will you be gone?"

Me: "A week."

Friend: "Oh. Can I stop by and play with your kitty while you're gone?"

Me: (stunned silence) "You are totally being God's voice in my life right now."

Tears

I cried today. Twice. At very unexpected times.

The first time was walking back home, trying to catch my breath after jogging. All of a sudden I was thinking of my grandpa, and tears started running down my face. A few days ago was the fourth anniversary of his passing, and although I didn't live nearby, and didn't see him much in the years before his death, I suddenly today missed him terribly. When he died, I mourned him deeply. It felt as if a bit of home was gone and the world was a less secure place without him in it. But to be struck so strongly with those emotions again today was very out of the blue. I had to sit on a park bench and let the emotions pass, hoping my tears passed for sweat as I wiped them away.

I cried again later today as I was reading a book. Now, that's not unusual for me, especially if the author is compelling and the book is dealing with an issue I relate with personally. The weird thing is that I was only reading the acknowledgments at the beginning of the book! I hadn't even made to the first chapter! What is going on??

All in all it was a pretty good day. I was productive, helpful, balanced, and supportive. I did some enjoyable things today. Where were the tears coming from???

No idea. 

It isn't an altogether bad thing. Just very strange. And rather inconvenient. We'll see if the trend continues.