pointless

Well, I helped a friend move this morning. Yes, the same friend who owns the restaurant I'm working on. That took all morning.

I went back and painted more of the restaurant ceiling in the afternoon. I am almost finished with it. It is a high ceiling, I'm on a rickety ladder, and I'm also cutting around beams, which we're painting a different color than the ceiling. I have been working in this ceiling all week.

It is beginning to look nice, although I couldn't help to think, as I teetered precariously on the top of that ladder, "What's the point of all this?" Yes, it's a job well done, and it gives me a lot of satisfaction to create this aesthetically appealing space, but really—whose life is going to be changed by this??

Sure, someone might notice for a moment the clean lines of the beams or the artistry in the mosaic I've done, but what does it matter for eternity?

But then again, why do I enjoy this process so? Why does it make me so fulfilled? Why do I bound out of bed early every morning, eager to start work, even though I'm bone weary from the physical nature of the task??

I don't have any answers, but I know this is the way I'm wired.

Anyway, I think I'll finish the ceiling tomorrow and maybe start on the walls. Fun!

spaghetti

It was an all around really very good day. Full of things I love.

The day started with a photo shoot of a family. It went pretty well, and I hope we have some shots they'll like, although I made them stand with their faces to the sun and they're squinty in some pictures.

Then on to the restaurant, more painting. It's going well, although I could wish things were moving faster. We have less than a week to open, and I still have a lot of work to do. I painted a ceiling today, and came home with paint splattered all over my face.

They also had a big group of youth come through, broken into 8 smaller teams, and each team made a pizza at the restaurant. I photographed that, too, although the light wasn't as good and I have some motion blur.

And when I got home, my Mr. was making spaghetti. I LOVE spaghetti, and was craving it. How did he know??? Red wine, Wipeout, Castle & Jr. Master Chef on TV. 

All in all, a good day.

Now, I just have to get this kitty to cuddle with me before bed. Perfect end to a good day.

Hands

So, I've been washing my hands in turpentine. That or gasoline. Even though gasoline is pretty expensive, it's half the price of turpentine. 

The last few days at the restaurant I've been working with oil based paints. A stain, and an enamel paint. All on the ceiling. I'm staining cross beams a very dark brown and the ceiling in between is a light cream. Although things are beginning to come together, it's a messy process.

So, it's tough on hands to wash them is such harsh chemicals. They're beginning to look a little old. Wish I could blame that all on the turpentine.

One of the nationals at the restaurant had remarked on my nice nails and hands a few days ago. So, today she said, "I thought when I looked at your hands that you didn't know how to do any heavy work." I know that's the assumption of most nationals. I hate it. I hope I'm dispelling some of those perceptions.

My body, though, is feeling it. Although I CAN do manual labor, it's been quite a while since I've done it so consistently, every day all day. Today it was up and down up and down a ladder, stretching to reach the ceiling with a brush and then a roller. Sore knees, sore shoulder, sore muscles.

Come on. This must be good for me somehow, right?

Oh, and I have my first family portrait photo shoot tomorrow. I don't know how much to charge, and I hope I do a good job. I'm a little nervous about it.

a Mess

Well, I woke up feeling like I had a sore throat. Had a cup of tea, in my new mug with a tea strainer that fits right into it. Christmas present from my mother-in-law. She did a really great job picking gifts this year.

Also drank down an airborne tablet. Don't laugh, it works!

Talked to my grandma. She sounded good, but couldn't remember things. Small things, really. Like what to call that big box on the desk. (it was her computer.) Hmmmm.

So, off to work at the restaurant. I accomplished all I had hoped to in the morning. I'm painting a ceiling, and wanted to get it primed before lunch. It took me until 1:00, but I was successful, and I headed home for sandwiches with the Mr.. Back to work at 2:30 or so. 3:30 I spilled paint off of my 9 foot ladder. Fortunately, I had a drop cloth down, but unfortunately it splattered all down the ladder, which we have borrowed from someone else. I immediately started wiping the ladder down, but it took me about a half an hour to clean it up. 

By the time I was done, the sky had clouded up and there wasn't enough light to finish my project. I worked in another room for an hour and a half, but it was slow going. I returned home frustrated at my lack of progress.

On the up side, supper with my Mr. was great (although I might have had a bit too much wine) and the kitty is cuddly and sleeping on my lap right now. Sigh. Happiness.

Kitty Kisses

OK. First, I just want to complain for a moment about how sore I am. Today at the restaurant I started painting a 10-foot ceiling, and I must have gone up that ladder about 100 times. Oh, my knees, my thighs, and my arms. I'm going to feel it in the morning.

Now that that's well established…

This morning before I went off to the restaurant, I made some time to read my Bible and a little devotional. I have been feeling frustrated lately that I don't feel as close to God as I have in the past. Today was beginning to seem like another spiritually dry session, when the kitty climbed up on my lap.

I am always so happy when she chooses to cuddle with me. She curled right up and began purring away. After a little bit, she stretched up and started licking the tip of my nose. I know it's her way of showing affection. And then I started crying.

I cried because it struck me, somehow, that this was a good picture of me and God. Just as I am truly delighted that the kitty seems to find comfort, security and rest in me, so also is God when I turn to Him for those things. It has nothing to do with my performance, it has everything to do with the fact that I approached Him confident that I would be welcomed.

When the kitty "kisses" me, I am so pleased, not because she loves me in any full or complete way. I love her in a much more complex, consistent way. In fact, many of her inclinations seem to be very self-centered. In addition her tongue is very rough, and, to tell the truth, sometimes she has bad breath. But her affection brings me joy and fulfillment.

In the same way, I am unable to love God completely or totally, and His love for me is infinitely greater. I love him as well as I can, but I know it is a very rough, unrefined love. I am probably unintentionally offensive to Him at times.

And yet I bring joy and delight to His heart. Just by being. Just by wanting to be near Him.

Hmm. Kinda makes me want to purr…

Christmas

Quiet day. Church, although I didn't really want to go. Afterward, though, I was glad we did. Home, breakfast for lunch. Eggs, bacon, pancakes. YUM! One friend over, low key afternoon. Card games. My Mr. even joined in, which was a real gift. Good conversations.

I guess that's a pretty satisfying Christmas.

Hope to spend some quality Bible time to top it off. After all, it's a day in His honor.

scorched

It's late. Sitting here trying to put thoughts together for this blog. It's Christmas eve, and we had two friends over for a nice supper. We enjoyed the time together very much. The food turned out well and all in all it was a success.

As always, my Mr. helped out immensely. He found the recipe on the internet for the crock pot chicken, ran out for broccoli at the last minute when I decided the meal just wouldn't be complete without it. Surprised me by hooking up the iPod to our speaker system to provide the perfect background Christmas music. And worked with me to clean up the kitchen after our guests had gone home. All without any complaints, although I know he would have been just as happy with a quiet evening.

The kitty, on the other hand, wasn't any help at all. I put up some Christmas decorations today—lights, ribbon, candles, stockings. She seemed to think every single thing was set out expressly for her to play with. Admittedly, she was VERY cute, but destructive. I fear the worst when we get up tomorrow morning.

And, there was a small crisis just before the meal. I had decorated the table with a centerpiece of candles and ribbon. Well, one of the ribbons blew into a candle and started burning. It was sitting on a cheap fabric table runner, which also caught fire. But nothing really blazed, just sort of smoked and melted. We doused it quickly, but not before our table got singed. That makes me a bit sad. We've had that table for about 12 years, and it still looked really nice. It's OK, but I'll need to always keep a centerpiece or runner on it to cover the scorched places.

Other than that, my Mr. had to go put out another fire of sorts today at the restaurant where I've been working. My friend, the owner, is out of town for the holidays, but there were still workmen doing construction on the place. So, this morning the village leader says they have to stop and can't put up an awning on the outside of the building. So, they called my friend, and she called my Mr. to go straighten things out. Everything here is negotiable for the right price, and it took a few hours, but he managed to satisfy the village leader and get the workmen permission to complete their task for just $50. Not too bad, just not the way he wanted to spend Christmas Eve day. I joined him at the restaurant for lunch.

I know today's photo doesn't seem appropriate for Christmas eve, but there it is. As we walked back from lunch I came across this tree in full, beautiful bloom. Hard to get into the Christmas spirit when things are so spring-like, but I appreciated the gorgeous blossoms anyway.

Weary

I am taking two days off of my design work for Christmas Eve and Christmas. I am so glad. I could really use the down time. I'm beat from the week. 

Attended a Christmas party at the restaurant. All the staff seemed to have a really good time. We read the Christmas story from Luke 2, so that they would know the real meaning of Christmas. Not much discussion followed; nobody had questions. But the Christmas cookie decorating was a big hit.

I was so good today. I didn't snap at anyone; didn't even feel like I had to force down any impatient reactions. I felt pretty happy and gentle inside. Don't know why. Maybe nobody crossed me today. ??? I am coming to realize that of all the things I do, interacting with people requires me to rely on God the most. I just can't muscle or force or fake my way through that. I read about His Spirit living inside of me today, and I asked Him why, when interpersonal interactions get tough, is it ME that comes out instead of HIM.

We got rejected by a beggar today. We frequent a certain Indian place, and a young guy with something like cerebral palsy usually sits outside and begs. We make it a policy not to give money, but we began giving him the bananas that they include in our meal. But then, for a while, the bananas stopped coming. Feeling generous, we bought a piece of fried chicken a few times, to give to our special friend outside. But today the bananas returned, and we happily carried them out to him as we left the restaurant. However, after fried chicken, bananas were not cutting it anymore. He wanted chicken. I explained that all we had today were bananas, and asked if he wanted them. He said no. Sheesh. Someone needs to tell him beggars can't be choosers.

I might roast a chicken in the crock pot tomorrow. (But I'm not giving any to the beggar at the Indian place!) Mostly I want it to be a quiet day. Naps whenever I want them. No real schedule or pressure. Yessss.

the Park

I worked most of the day on my design project at the restaurant. Someone came to help, which means that I did not get as much of my own project done, because I was getting him set up to do his project. And then in the afternoon my friend, the owner, wanted to teach her staff to make Christmas cookies. For some reason, she thought I could help. The nationals (who had never made cookies before) totally showed me up and I retreated behind my camera, but it also used up a chunk of my time. But on the up side, I got to eat a yummy sugar cookie with green frosting. :-)

I walk through a long park to get from my apartment to the restaurant twice a day. I have come to notice that the park has a cheerful side, and a sad side. I finally figured out that, because of the way the sun moves through the sky, one side of the park is shady almost all day, and that's where the homeless people hang out, in the shelter of the trees. That's the sad side. People only use the other side in the evenings, and it's usually families picnicking and having a good time. Cheerful.

There is one guy on the sad side. He's in the park every day, all day, and he sleeps there, too. He is usually on the same bench day and night, except for one portion of the day, when the bench is in the sun. He just sits and stares off into space, at nothing, blinking rapidly. He seems to be cared for, in a strange way, because he changes clothes regularly and doesn't seem too dirty. Also, this month is the coolest part of the year, and he has a nice warm comforter to wrap himself in as he sleeps on his bench.

I wonder about him. What is wrong? How did he get that way? Who does he belong to? What is my part in his life? 

I simply don't know. Father, bring him health and wholeness. 

Day off

Today I took a break from working at the restaurant. So many other things had piled up, I needed a day to see to them all. However, I did go over to the restaurant for a bit, to taste some of the Mexican items that they're developing for the new menu. I thought everything tasted pretty good, but what does an Ohio girl living in Asia know about authentic Mexican food? I like Taco Bell, which shows how distinguishing my palate is.

Anyway, we took the kitty to the vet this morning. She was such a good little cat! Even the French vet thought so. Or at least I think that's what he said. His accent was so heavy! But he was gentle and skillful. The kitty was subdued for most of the rest of the day, probably feeling a little off because she got two shots. Now she's feeling more like her old self, streaking around the house, clawing the furniture, and pouncing on odd and random things. :-)

I also stressed out my Mr. twice today. Once because the sweet potatoes we bought (to prepare for a Christmas party this evening) had worms in them, and I sent him out to hunt for more. Then, once we had arrived at the party, they asked if we had brought the corkscrew, which I promised I'd bring and then promptly forgot. Good sport that he is, he ran right out and bought one. I felt so bad about that. I suppose he'll be glad when I go back to work at the restaurant tomorrow; he will regain his peace and quiet.

And now it's late. And I want to try to cuddle the cat a bit before bed.

trauma

Good day; more of the same. Worked at the restaurant, mostly. Was pretty nice to everyone, so am counting the day a success. Had a friend over for supper and a movie; now it's late.

Tomorrow I'm probably not going to the restaurant. I have a number of other errands I need to do. Time to catch up on real life for a bit, as it has continued on while I have been wrapped up in my creative bubble.

I'm going to coach someone over skype first thing in the morning. I also need to find and figure out how to cook sweet potatoes. We're joining a Christmas party in the evening, and that's my contribution to the meal. But the biggest thing on the schedule tomorrow is to take the kitten to the vet for a check-up and vaccinations.

I wish I could prepare her. I know she's going to be scared. When she looks at me tomorrow with fear- and pain-filled eyes, it's going to make my heart so sad. I will want to tell her it's going to be alright, and that the trauma of the moment is going to help her be healthy and strong. But there is just no way I can bridge the gap and communicate that to her. Right now she's happily playing with a ball, oblivious of the trial to come.

I have been thinking that God probably feels the same way. How often, when pain comes into our lives, do we cry out to Him in sorrow, fear, frustration, anger? And yet He knows exactly how that experience is going to play out. He sees clearly how this piece fits with all the others, for our ultimate good. He grieves to see our pain, and knows that if we could just see the bigger picture, we'd understand… or would we?

Maybe we still would be unable to comprehend it all. After all, I suspect the gap in understanding between me and my cat is small when compared to the grand canyon difference between my intellect and God's.

PS: Couldn't resist posting a photo of her. Such a sweetie, although she chose my Mr. over me for cuddle time tonight. :-(

getting to me

Things sort of got to me today. 

We met a grandmotherly beggar at our breakfast noodle shop. She wanted money but we bought her a bowl of noodle soup. She told us all her kids were dead and she needed money to get to her home village, where she had relatives. Part of me was ticked that she kept pushing for cash after we had bought her food. Part of me felt bad for her and wanted to help more. We didn't.

Then, on the way to work at the restaurant I saw one guy beating up another guy. People were standing around and no one was intervening. I was wondering what my response should be, but fortunately it broke up before I got there.

I am tired of living in such a dark place. I feel like I don't make any difference here at all. Jesus came to be light in the darkness. That's what this season is all about. It's just so hard to know how to do that here.

The day had great parts, too. My kitten is sleeping peacefully on my lap. I enjoyed a game night with friends. I savored hours of solitude, creating beauty.

How do I balance these sharp contrasts that are part of my daily experience? What is my role? Who am I meant to be here? What part do I play? How do I make any difference here??

Solitude

I arrived early at the restaurant today, I only saw 2 other people when I got there. I moved my operation to a small back hallway and went undiscovered for about 4 hours. It was heavenly. 

I am never happier than when I am creating something. Always striving for balance, beauty. It is often like a puzzle as I solve problems and make decisions. Especially this project, because it's a mosaic.

I worked for about 6 hours total, then came home to a yummy soup lunch that my Mr. made. After washing the dishes I lounged with the kitty on the sofa, watching CSI and dozing. Only every time I closed my eyes I saw geometric shapes and my mind started trying to fit them together.

All too soon I had to move myself off of the sofa and get ready for church. We go to an afternoon service. Today was all Christmas carol singing and reading parts of the Christmas story. I've been so busy with this design project that I haven't given Christmas much thought. It made me think I need to do more to focus on this holiday and its deeper meanings.

I want to hang some lights and ribbons or garland, but I have a feeling the kitty will tear them down or chew them up. Worst case scenario would be if she chewed the Christmas lights cord. That could be really bad.

Well, I'll have to think of something. But tomorrow it's more work on the mosaic. Up and at it bright an early again.

Reconciliation

Well, whatever it was that the cat had against me yesterday, she's over it today. Actually, last night she cuddled up on my chest right as I was finishing my blog. I gave in and stayed up with her until pretty late, although we both fell asleep. The end of yesterday and the beginning of today were too close together!

But today she's happy, cuddly and purry. We're best friends again, which is just how I like it.

On the interior design front, however, things are not as rosy. I am not progressing as quickly as I anticipated. Mr. thinks that my life motto should be, "This is taking longer than I thought it would." I say that about most things.

On top of that, I was shuffled around a few times, which slowed me down. First of all, the power went out, and I had to move from my secluded little corner to a place that had sunlight. Then, the tile guys wanted to tile the floor I was sitting on, so I had to move again. And to add insult to injury, when I returned from lunch, they had piled boxes of tiles right in front of my work space, so I could hardly get in there to work. I tried to explained that I was a hired worker just like they were, and I had a job to finish, but they didn't seem to buy it. And the icing on the cake was that as they tiled, the path between my work space and the place I kept all my supplies became impassible, blocked by tiles that had not yet set.

I did OK people-wise, although I admittedly had to reign myself in when I saw the boxes of tile obstructing my workspace. They, on their part, gave me a slightly wide berth. I heard one guy tell another, "She doesn't like to be helped." Sigh. When you're a jerk, word gets around.

I also spent some time getting to know a young lady today, looking toward a potential coaching relationship. I like people one-on-one better than in groups. I am excited about the chance to build her up.

Back to work at 7 tomorrow morning. The tile guys are starting on the final piece of floor then, and it's right where I'm set up currently. I want to be around for the shifting of my stuff, and have some say in the process. So, to bed I go!

Ignored

The cat really has no interest in me. She has ignored me all day. I think it all started when we were playing with her ball on the string first thing this morning. Somehow the string snagged on a tooth and pulled it out. She's been losing baby teeth this week, an I'm hoping that one was supposed to go. But I don't think it was a very pleasant experience for her.

I was indeed sore from yesterday's work, and I didn't have to wait until today for it to kick in. I woke up in the middle of the night and my arms ached terribly. I couldn't find a position for them that would ease the pain. I took some ibuprofen and laid back down again, on my stomach with my arms under me. That seemed to help a bit. My Mr. said it's because I was squishing the lactic acid out. They weren't bad today, I guess my night-time medications helped a bit.

I was back at the restaurant today. I made some progress, but of course, not as much as I hoped. And I am frustrated with the interactions I had. The work I'm doing (manual, heavy, physical) is not usual for women to do here, especially not foreign women. So, when I went to hammer some nails into a board, a guy came to take my hammer and do it. I told him no, that it was my job and he should just do his job. He kept trying to pick things up and move them for me and I kept telling him I could do it myself.

Later I started busting up tiles for the mosaic. About 3 people rushed in to see what was going on. I guess it sounded like glass breaking, so I shouldn't have been surprised. But I asked what they wanted. 

I enjoy this kind of work. I just want to be left alone and allowed to do it. But I also want to be nicer to the people around me. sigh.

We had two other adventures tonight: the doorknob to the front door of our apartment broke, and we were unable to open it. We were stuck in our house. My Mr. took the door knob apart from the inside, and our landlord took it apart from the outside, and they finally got it open.

But that made us late for our second adventure: we helped chaperone a youth event that involved tuk-tuks (two-wheeled carts pulled by a motorbike) photos, videos, and running through a fountain. I was surprised Mr. agreed to do it, but I think we both enjoyed it more than we expected.

We got home past 10, and it's now rather late, so I need to get to bed. I hope to be at work on the restaurant early-ish. Although the cat has just curled up on my lap, so I'm conflicted…

Time Warp

Today time moved in an odd and unpredictable way. I got up, played with the kitty, exercised, had breakfast, checked e-mail, and had devotions all before 9:00. I wondered how time had slowed, giving me the opportunity to get so much done.

Then I went to the restaurant to work on my interior design project. All of a sudden, time slipped through my fingers. Nothing went right. I waited and waited for a young man to get the wood I needed. Then I didn't really have the right tools for the job. I hand cut all the wood with a pipe saw that wouldn't cut straight. I kept hitting snag after snag, and made little progress. By the end of the day I had only two very amateur looking 2.5 meter chair rails nailed and glued together to show for my long, sweaty day. That and a cut pinky finger and gluey hands. Oh for a table saw, cured timber, and a power sander!

I also used my body in ways it had forgotten all about. I haven't worked on a physical project like that in years. I'm going to feel it in the morning. I need to do it more often.

My Mr., on the other hand was home all day with the kitty. I came home for lunch to find him typing on his computer, with her sitting next to him on the desk, leaning on his arm. He says he didn't cuddle back, but she seems pretty uninterested in cuddling tonight. I think some exchange of affection took place, whether he admits it or not! ;-)

Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to move forward more quickly. Now I have to track down the kitty and convince her that I deserve a little cuddling!

Tiles

So I'm working on a mosaic project. Not a picture, just a pattern for a chair rail on the wall of a restaurant. I thought it would be a cheap project, the materials easy to find. Of course, it is not. I have spent lots of hours running from tile place to tile place, asking for broken or cheap tiles. There are lots of tiles here, but none broken and few are cheap. Especially not in the colors I want. Of course. Finally today I broke down and bought actual boxes of tiles. Good, whole tiles. It kills me to bust them up, but that's what must be done.

Mr. was a good sport and drove me all around, hauling heavy boxes of tiles on the motorbike. 

Later I busted up a few flower pots for the mosaic. I felt OK about that, since they were already broken. It was rather therapeutic, destruction. Especially when it's for a creative cause. However, believe it or not, ceramic pots are still technically glass, and they cut your fingers just the same. I will have to remember to be careful.

I had also hoped to paint a ceiling today, which didn't happen. They only had a 6 foot ladder, and the ceiling is probably 10-plus feet. I could only have reached it by standing on the second-top rung of the ladder, and that wasn't going to happen.

There's a lot of work to be done, an I just have a week to get it done. But a fun challenge nonetheless.

Other than that, today I coached someone for an hour (rewarding!) and went to a meeting on storytelling (from a biblical perspective). Had devotions, but skipped the exercise. Must do better. Also skipped breakfast, which I hope made up for it.

To bed early tonight.

Foreign food

I was sitting here thinking about what to write, and I absolutely could not remember what I had done this morning. My mind was a blank for a few moments. I remember now, thank goodness: up, devos, cat time, breakfast, market, home, shower, meeting. I don't seem to be able to accomplish both exercise and devotions in the same morning. I'll have to work on that.

That took me all the way to lunch. Got home and my Mr. had made sandwiches. Yum. Then I spent all afternoon over at the restaurant I'm going to be painting and decorating. I'm looking forward to that project, although I can already tell it's going to be more complicated than I thought.

We made chicken stock today. I was explaining how we make stock to a national friend a few days ago. I didn't think it would be strange to her, because they make their own version of broth for noodle soup. But you should have seen her shock when she realized that we just throw away all those vegetables we boil down in the process. She seemed pretty disgusted at the waste.

Then, yesterday I made beef bourguignon in the crock pot. My Mr. went out to buy the wine to add to the recipe, and the nationals at the check-out asked how long it would take him to drink the whole bottle. He answered that we were going to make a stew out of this wine, and they were simply astonished. They said they had no idea you could use it for that. 

Foreigners and their strange ways.

Pulling Up

Although today started rough, the end was pretty good. 

I woke up at 4:30, worrying about selling our calendars (almost mid-December and we have 1000 still sitting at home) and about if I offended someone at church yesterday. I decided to get up, since I wasn't going back to sleep.

I had high expectations for the day, hoping to get a lot done in the morning. However, once I got up, cuddled the cat and started reading my Bible, I began to nod off. I struggled to stay awake and study, but 2 hours after I had gotten up, I had accomplished very little that I had wanted to.

My Mr. was hungry for breakfast, but I still hadn't exercised. He agreed to wait, and I got in a good hour of Zumba. We had noodle soup for breakfast and then off to the market. 

The aisles are narrow, cluttered with boxes, produce and people. You can only shuffle along at times, making your way slowly. Well, today someone behind me was in a hurry. She kept nudging and pushing and when we got to an open area she brushed past, using her elbow to get ahead. I was ticked, and before I even consciously thought about it, my foot edged out toward hers. I actually wanted to trip her! Fortunately my mind took over and stopped my foot in time, but really. What am I, 38 or 8???

So, back home, chopped, browned, mixed, and got supper in the crock pot. By that time it was 10:30 and I hadn't accomplished nearly all that I had hoped. But I started in anyway. I got a bit done before lunch, which my Mr. made. He's a master sandwich maker.

I indulged in a bit of a nap, since I got up so early, and then in a half-an-hour of Bejeweled Blitz. Then back at it. I worked steadily all afternoon: two different design projects completed, even though I had originally hoped to have both of those jobs finished before lunch. I guess my expectations were too high. But if felt good to get them done.

A friend came over for supper, loved my food, and told me I was amazing. That felt good. I think I'm coming out of my funk. Hopefully I'll attack tomorrow with some of my old positivity.

baby teeth?

So, do kitties have baby teeth? Because the little cat has lost two teeth in the last two days. I noticed that she had two canine (or should I call them "feline") teeth on either side of the top row of teeth, growing very close together. One from either side has now fallen out, so she's down to the right number of fangs. I just didn't know kitties lost baby teeth. I kept them, by the way. Weird, I know. I just didn't want to throw them away yet.

I did a bit of Christmas decorating at church tonight. We had a candle-lighting portion to our service, and I got to arrange the candles on the tables. I think I pulled off a rather Christmasy look on a very small budget. I want to put decorative touches up here at home, but I'm pretty sure the kitty will pull everything down. 

So, after church I was craving food from two different restaurants. We decided on the French place, because the other place usually has old guys with "escorts" at it. I don't know why; it looks like a respectable place, but it seems to be frequented by undesirable types.

Anyway we were enjoying our supper at the French restaurant, and another guy sat down at the table next to us. American, judging by the accent. He was loud; loud sitting down, loud with the waitresses, loud on the phone. So, we could hear quite clearly when his girlfriend on the other end of the line, who he has apparently not seen for a while, told him she was 5 months pregnant. We were only hearing his end of the conversation, obviously, but it wasn't hard to figure out what was going on. He questioned whether it was his or not. He wanted her to take a photo of her belly, because (as he said a few times) she had "lied to him before." He didn't really seem too upset, just doubtful. He spoke an Asian language for a bit, quite poorly, so she is probably a girl from this part of the world.

It was a sad, awkward, frustrating conversation to be witnessing, but we didn't seem to have much choice in the matter.

And so went our attempt to have a nice, quiet supper after church.

women!

I spent most of today with ladies, doing feminine things. Believe it or not, I did not break out in hives. It was actually pretty fun. Got a foot massage and a pedicure, then off to a "high tea". I met lots of new people, which requires pushing buttons for me. Although I engaged people I didn't know and tried to connect, I still allowed myself to drift back to comfortable conversations with closer friends. It was a nice day overall.

Between my engagements with the ladies, I wandered around the area to different tile shops, asking if they had any broken tiles to give me. Most everyone, after they got over their confusion, laughed at me. They just throw broken tiles away, no one keeps them. It looks like I'm going to have to buy good tiles and break them myself. Which kills me.

I am aiming to do a mosaic, of sorts, by the way.

Something nice happened during my search, however. At first I couldn't find the tile shops. I knew there was a street with a lot of them right in a row. But I walked and walked, and just wasn't coming across them. I stopped at a different shop and asked where the tile places were. She explained, and I headed off, even though the girl warned me it was a bit of a walk. I told her it was OK, I needed the exercise. I had gone a ways down the road, when a motorbike pulled up next to me. It was the girl from the shop, and she told me to hop on and she'd take me. I asked her if she had free time, and she said, "Just a little bit." Well, she took me right where I needed to go, dropped me off and zoomed back to work. It was just so nice. I was really surprised and grateful.

Anyway, back home this evening, the cat was just crazy with energy. My Mr. said she slept a lot while I was away. It was obvious she missed me, but I'm not as sure about Mr. I think he enjoyed day alone—even though there was a loud celebration for International Human Rights Day in the park right next to our house. On his own with the cat and the noise, he seemed to relish the time to himself anyway.

But I think he's a little happy to have me home. A little. ;-)

to market…

Had two market experiences today. This morning we got ingredients for a traditional pork and cabbage soup. My Mr. loves soup. We got to the same lady to buy pork every time, so today she gave us something extra. With a smile she slipped a big slimy pig liver into our bag. "Extra, no charge!" she said happily. :-)

(I chopped it small and added it to the soup, by the way. It wasn't bad at all. Yum.)

Later, we went to a huge market in the middle of town to find Christmas-type decorations for church. I knew I had to be very creative, because there aren't many actual Christmas ornaments, and those that are here can be quite expensive, and I had given myself a $20 budget.

I was planning to go to the market by myself, so that I could just wander around without any pressure. But at the last minute my Mr. volunteered to drive me. At first I was a little thrown off, a little testy, but I shouldn't have been. In actuality, Mr. is much more of a shopper than I am. He found great bargains, thinking outside of the box, coming up with cheaper solutions. I got everything I needed for (almost) $20. It was a good afternoon after all.

I felt a little down all day anyway; not sure why. I was kind of hesitant to go out, and would have actually stayed home this afternoon if Mr. hadn't taken me. I don't know what knocks out my motivation like that. It just isn't fun to have to force yourself to do the things you know you need to do.

Anyway, tomorrow is going to be an interesting day. I have signed up for two, possibly three ladies' events. Usually I avoid those like the plague. I'm not sure what possessed me. But I'm due to go to a spa/lunch time with one group of ladies, then a high tea with another group, and finally supper with a girl who is interested in being mentored. She's the only one that's still tentative. A day FULL of women and chatting. Yikes! I better get over my reclusive feelings of today.

unexpected

I came across unexpected beauty today. I love to be surprised like that. Walking down a sidewalk I use almost every day, I saw a patch of orange. It was an old, broken umbrella; discarded trash. And yet there it was, the sun shining through it, glowing like a stained glass window. As I stopped to take the shot, to notice, to appreciate, to thank God for such a unique gift, that street became a sacred place; the sidewalk an aisle lined by tree-columns in a holy cathedral.

I think He might be trying to catch my attention. For the past two days I haven't spent any time with Him. They have been full, busy, happy days. I'm occupied with lots of fun, creative projects. But I have let them distract me from my main goal in life: pursuing God. Why is it so much harder to make time for Him when things are going well??? 

And so this post is going to be short. I'm going to take an hour now before bed and try to re-connect. That also means giving up cuddle time with the kitty, but she is just going to have to understand.

Cuddles

I am beginning to notice that on days when I have creative outlets I find it more difficult to stop and look for an aesthetic photo. I only took one shot today because it struck me as visually pleasing, so that is the one I'm going with. At least it was easy to pick today's photo!

That doesn't mean I didn't take other photos. We did head shots this morning because tomorrow we go to apply for new passports. Ours expire soon. I also shot a wall treatment that I liked, as a photo reference for the restaurant I'm decorating.

Those two projects pretty much dominated my day. I set up appointments for us at the embassy, researched the fees, printed and filled out the appropriate documents. Shot and cropped new photos and took them to be printed.

I also finalized some mock-ups for the interior design of a restaurant, met with the woman running the business, and went with her to check out some furniture. 

All of that while trying to meet the needs of a very clingy kitty. She is quite cuddly today and just wanted to be on or beside me most of the day. How can I refuse?

Oh. And I did a load of laundry. My Mr. did the grocery shopping and made supper: lentil soup in the crock pot. Yum. He even did the dishes. He's pretty awesome.

Crazy Love

Made the drive home in the 13-passenger van today in just five hours. It was typical: bumpy, swerving, and slightly nerve-wracking. The best way to get through the time is to talk or read or attempt to sleep. I did all three, although during my "nap" I was almost thrown out of my seat a few times as the driver careened and honked and passed on curves.

It was another reminder of the things I have come to accept as normal here. Two college-age trekker girls were "honored" with the front seats, where they could see all the close calls and craziness. With white knuckles they made a few comments about "dangerous driving" and then buckled up and were pretty quiet the rest of the trip.

I just know that it does no good for me to worry or get upset. The driver is going to drive how he wants to. I can't do anything about it. And so I sit resigned, trusting that it is not yet my time to go.

When we got home my little cat was beside herself. It reminded me of a  child who doesn't yet know how to handle strong emotions. She burst out in frantic energy, zooming here and there, literally bouncing off of walls, leaping tall pieces of furniture in a single bound. She was also naughty: climbing, chewing and clawing all the things she knows she shouldn't. I don't think she had any other way to express her joy. If she was a dog, her tail would have been wagging a mile a minute.

When she wore herself out, she curled up on a window sill and fell asleep. I thought, "Well, that was a weird, frenzied welcome, and now she's done with us." But after an hour or two, she sought me out and commenced some rather aggressive cuddling. Rubbing, rolling, head-butting, kneading and purring. There was even some concentrated licking, as she cleaned the tip of my nose and my chin, both of which are now rather raw. Cat's tongues are really incredibly rough! I assured her that I missed her, too. (But I didn't lick her.)

Unfortunately, in one of her crazy zipping-around moods the cat jumped up on a shelf and knocked over a book, which then sent a figurine crashing onto the floor. It was my Mr.'s Joe Paterno cow. I know, I know. But it was a gift from his mom. He really isn't much of a trinket kind of guy, but I think he felt a little bad about it anyway. I felt a LOT bad about it. Of all the things to break! It's actually the only glass figurine we own. Most of the damage can be repaired with super glue; I just hope the damage to their "relationship" can be mended as easily. (Mr. would roll his eyes to learn he is in a relationship with my cat, but I see him when he thinks I'm not looking!) ;–)

The Day After

After a large, exciting event, I always tend to feel a sense of let-down or disappointment. Even when the event was completely enjoyable and successful. Especially then, I guess, because I'm sad it's over.

That's how I'm feeling right now. 

Don't get me wrong, today was great. We spent most of our time hanging out with the friends who had come to run the half marathon. We relived the "glories" of yesterday's race, compared notes about living in our various SE Asian countries, and related stories, struggles and situations that only those living abroad can really "get".

It was a good day.

And then we had to wave them all good-bye as they drove away to catch their planes and head home. We returned to our hotel room, just the two of us, and now face the unappealing prospect of packing, as well as a long drive tomorrow.

And so the return to "normal" begins.

And it's not all bad. I get to move forward with my interior design project for the restaurant. Maybe I'll put up a few Christmas decorations this week. AND I get to see my little cat again. I hope she has been OK in our absence.

I see I still have a lot of work to do to see beauty in the every-day, moment by moment, and not allow myself to be dazzled by those brief grand, glorious events that come along so few and far between.

Success!

Yippee! I did it! 3 kilometers in 24 minutes. I know that's not a very speedy time, but I accomplished my goal. I jogged all 3 k at a steady pace, without stopping. In the glow of success after my first successful run, I thought, "I could probably to 10 k next year!" That euphoria has subsided a little bit, but I can see why jogging can be addictive.

My friends successfully completed their 21 k runs and we all celebrated with massages. Actually, the day went something like this: jog/run, eat, shop, eat, massage, nap/pool, eat, sit around and visit. Oh yeah, and tequila shots. Nice day.

I found today's photo by the swimming pool. Nice landscaping, pleasant atmosphere. It would have been perfect, except for the old white dude groping his Asian prostitute. Disturbing and disgusting, but what are you going to do?

That's why I feel the need to take photos that are attractive. Tragedy and ugliness is all around us. Today I saw at least 10 people missing limbs, children begging, prostitution, and heard the stories of two ladies whose husbands had left them for other women.

Sickness, sadness and decadence is part of my every-day life. The challenge is to find something whole and healthy and beautiful in this environment. I am not denying that pain and suffering exists. That's the reality that I live with. I need something to heal and soothe my soul. That's the whole point of this photo blog.