control

So, today my husband got a bit of an insult. I took it as a compliment.

We stopped by a grocery store that we frequent. When checking us out, the cashier—who we've known for a while—started, well…checking us out. She looked a bit, and then said to me, "You're the same, but Mr. has gotten bigger."

As we exited the market, Mr. said, "This is all your fault you know."

The truth is, he hasn't been gaining weight, I've been losing. Not only do I feel my clothes fitting differently (I could do with an extra hole in my belt right about now) but people have also been commenting that I look thinner than before. The cashier noticed something was different as she saw us standing side-by-side, but came to the wrong conclusion.

Yes, the exercise and eating has been paying off. It feels good. I am seeing the rewards of discipline.

We also got an e-mail from a friend a few days ago, saying he has found a potential place for us to stay during our sabbatical. I was thrilled. Mr. was noncommittal. I wanted to jump at it. Mr. wants to know more. I want a plan. He is content with none.

And so I wonder.

Am I doing so well with my exercise routine and disciplined eating because I feel out of control about almost everything else? If nothing else is in my power, I can at least determine what and when I eat. I can master my body and push it to its limits. I can control this one thing.

I know there are both dangers and lies in the preceding paragraph. That kind of thinking can be taken to an unhealthy extreme. I won't do it. And I have so much freedom to choose, in so many areas of my life.

Of course I could push Mr.. I could demand. I could put my foot down. I could say, "I need this…" and he would give me what I want with little fuss. But I won't do that to him. I won't force my own will on our future. I will give him the freedom to find his own way, because my way lies with him.

I will trust him. And I will trust God.

After all, He's the One really in control.