uninspired

Today was singularly unremarkable. Rather ordinary and a little dreary.

Mr. had an on-line class starting at 5:30 this morning. His alarm went off at 5, so I figured I might as well get up and get my exercise in. I went for my riverside jog, showered, and was back in bed by the time his class ended at 7. He thought I hadn't stirred since he got up. Ha!

I don't actually jog the whole time when I go down to the riverside. I jog and walk intermittently, catching my breath in the intervals. I have recently started praying in the walking periods. I pray for a specific person, take off jogging, then when I slow to a walk again, I start in on a different person. When I'm jogging, I can't pray because just getting air into my lungs takes most of my concentration. But I like the spiritual exercise I have added to my physical exercise. It brings God into my morning (in a rather sweaty, irreverent way that I hope He doesn't mind) and gets some people prayed for on a semi-regular basis.

Anyway, when Mr. found me dozing in bed, I was actually trying to have some devotions. Not very successful this morning. He was in the mood to go out for breakfast noodles, though, and I was game. We had a nice time; a really nice time. I like being with him.

The rest of the morning I worked on letterhead design for a client. Lunch, cat cuddle time, nap. Spent an hour or two searching my photo library for a few upcoming projects. Read a chapter in a book on writing.

So why do I feel dissatisfied, as the day comes to an end? It was relatively productive, not a difficult one, really. I think the problem is that God has been calling for me to spend some serious time with Him, and I have been ignoring Him. Not the fighting-to-keep-your-eyes-open morning devotions. Not panted prayers as I jog. Some serious one-on-one time. But I keep avoiding Him. Finding other things to do. It sounds pretty bad to say I'm not in the mood, but I'm not. Am I mad at Him? Discouraged? Maybe a little of both. But I do know that the longer I shut Him out, the worse I'm going to feel. It won't matter how much I accomplish, or how well things go. I must do better tomorrow. Snap out of it. Get things in the right order.

Not great, for someone who's supposed to be blogging about pursuing God. But, again. Tomorrow is a new start.

PS: I didn't want to post this; I wanted to sleep on it and see if I got a new outlook on things in the morning. But Mr. said blogs are about honesty and real-time reflections. Bah. Sorry if this entry depresses anyone besides me!