eyes

How can it be that a positive four hours with God can be totally undone in just 3 minutes?

Really. I had a good time of journaling, thinking, meditating. Then I read a chapter in a book—the final chapter in the One Thousand Gifts book that started me on this photo blog journey. It was all about intimacy with God. Being continually in His presence. Seeing His good gifts everywhere.

I was totally tracking. Taking notes. Resonating with line after line, thought after thought.

Satisfied as if after a good meal, I packed up my things and headed home for lunch. (My physical tummy was a bit empty and starting to grumble.)

But then, in the 500 feet or so that it took me to walk one block, I was hailed three separate times to ride moto taxis, and had to dodge twice to avoid pedestrians or motorists who weren't paying attention.

And all that good progress was just gone. I was ticked. I was defensive. I was…so disappointed.

As I walked the rest of the way home, I worked to calm myself. I thought of that verse about the eyes—how if the eyes are good the whole body is full of light, but if the eyes are bad, the whole body is full of darkness. And I see now how true it is.

I realized that when it comes to this place, these people, my outlook is very negative. I expect the worst, and so I see it—whether it is real or not. Again, another shot of disappointment.

I started taking daily photos and writing this blog because I was hoping to change how I saw things. I was hoping to gain a new perspective. I was hoping to learn to find beauty in even the most difficult surroundings.

And it is working, to some extent. I know God is close. I see Him in nature, old buildings, and occasionally in people. I see beauty when I look through the camera lens. But without it, my eyes still see darkness and ugliness. It's like the camera acts as a pair of glasses, correcting my vision. But my mind still hasn't been transformed. I lose a positive perspective as soon as I put the camera away and start walking through "real life" again.

Oh, no. Not all the time, to be fair. Not immediately. There are good moments and bad moments. It was just disappointing to lose it so fast today.