reclusive

Stayed in all day. Good, although I always feel in a slight daze after a day like today. Not that things weren't accomplished; the achiever side of me is reasonably pleased. (Of course, I expected to get more done.) But being to yourself all day is just…well, strange.

And the cat slept ALL day. More than usual, which is a lot. I started worrying, she slept so much. But in the last hour or so she has been up and seems to be her normal self. (See the photo as proof!) :-)

I determined it was to be a studying day. I tried. Faltered a bit here and there, but kept at it anyway. Also got in some devotions and exercise, did a load of laundry and washed the dishes. I am coming to the strange realization that I could probably be a 1950's June Cleaver-type housewife and be pretty fulfilled doing so. Weird.

Anyway, I started out reading a book, and it subtly upset me. I wasn't even completely aware of it. But I only got a few pages read and then I set the book down and played a computer game for over a half an hour. Not at all what I wanted to do. As I thought about it later, I realized I was feeling angry and frustrated, and just wanted to do something to get my mind off of things.

Stupid way to handle things, really. Not good at all. When things upset me, I need to go to God.

The reason I was upset is I am concluding that the way we do missions today is all wrong. Not just that it's broken and we need to fix it; I mean we need to scrap the whole system all together. I think I read the book with growing frustration as they identified problems with the system, and suggested solutions. I think the system IS the problem. In any case, I'm not interested in being part of it any more.

But how did I deal with it today? Flee to mindlessness. I am increasingly convicted that that is not God's best for me. But it's such an ingrained habit. And easy. And effortless.

So, in the afternoon I did a search on a specific word in the Hebrew Bible, practiced reading, and recorded every nuance of meaning I found. While I did that I backed up my computer onto an external hard drive. Both were rather tedious tasks, and I felt pretty brain-weary by supper time.

After a little TV Mr. and I called my parents, who are visiting my grandma. I got to talk to all three. It was pretty good; I always love hearing from my grandma. My parents, though, went on and on about this hot fudge sundae they had eaten at lunch. I don't think they intended to torment me, but now all I want is something decadent and sweet. And I had done so well keeping my portions reasonable for supper. (after a salad at lunch!) Good thing we don't have any sweets around the house, or I would be totally consuming it right now. As it is, I'm longing for a bowl of cereal. What is my solution? A glass of cold water. I have already drunk one. I'll be needing another here soon.

I don't think my parents know how hard I'm working to shape up. I hope people really notice a difference when we go back to the US in about 6 months from now.

OK. I'm getting another glass of water. AND a few small slices of bread with strawberry jam. Look, at least it's not a hot fudge sundae!