foreign

Did a good bit of walking today, on my way to and coming back from a hair cut. Finally. Long overdue for a trim.

I get so sick of being treated like a tourist. Unfortunately, my beautician has her shop along the riverside, which is a major tourist place. And what was I doing? Snapping photos. Can you blame them for thinking I'm a new arrival?

And when I see foreigners here I think, "They just don't belong." They stick out. They look so out of place. And, despite my level of comfort and familiarity here, I look just like them. My face, hair, body keep me from belonging. I will always be a foreign element here.

And sometimes I think it's true. I just don't belong here. These people don't need me. Nor do they want what I have to offer. Oh, yes, there are a lot of needs here, but no one likes the answers I bring. No one actually wants to change or do the hard work required to truly solve the pressing problems here.

And I DO think it's probably time for me to go.

I was ticked for a while, walking down that street getting hassled every 10 steps to buy something, give something, ride something. Still I tried to find it. Beauty in people. (Of course, looking terribly like a tourist.) Not so successful on my way to the beauty shop.

I must state now, for the record, that hair cuts is one thing I'm going to miss when we leave here. I realize you can still get your hair cut in the US, but it won't compare to the experience here. The shampooing takes a good 10 minutes, and is a sudsy head massage. My shop also includes a face massage with a cold cucumber mask to boot. Ahhh. And often, when the hair cut is over, a girl will come rub your shoulders, back, arms. Of course there is complementary coffee or tea, too. Yes. I am completely spoiled. I will miss hair cuts in the States.

My mood lightened by all the pampering, I started home. I took a different route, too, avoiding most of the tourist section. Saw more people just going about every-day life. And I saw the beauty.

I tried to inconspicuously snap one old lady who was sitting on a curb. She caught me at it, and seemed a bit put out. Having already put her off, I took the photo anyway. A few blocks later I saw another old lady. Resisted the urge to point my camera at her. She glanced up and saw me looking. I slowly smiled at her, and a beautiful smile spread across her face as well. It's a conundrum. I wanted more than anything to capture that beautiful moment in a photo, but it would never have happened if I had inserted the camera between me and her. I hope I remember that image for a long while.

And yet there is a sadness to that moment too. I can not feel gentleness toward these people without also feeling the depth of their lostness. And I sense acutely  my own powerlessness to change things.

Seeing and softening have a price. And it's time for me to go.

Ended the day with burgers and fries and friends, for game night. Back VERY late. Just have to post this blog and play with the poor ignored little kitty (not really, she just thinks so) and then I can get to bed.