overwhelmed

So, I just feel overwhelmed. There are so many things to attend to, nothing really pressing but lots of projects hanging out there, just waiting. Waiting. If I lose my step just a bit, I will fall behind. But I don't know where to start, and so I think I just want to go to bed.

Remember that verse about peace?? Yeah. I need that. Where did it go? Oh yeah. Yesterday I said it's a choice. Whew. Time to live up to my words.

So, I had a good time of study today. Had my half day with God. Went to the same coffee shop, had my same decaf café mocha. Yum!

But I read a chapter in the Spiritual Disciplines book today, about prayer. It was good, but I am just feeling lost about it. He talked about, if we are abiding in God we will be in tune with His will, and that's why we can pray confidently, knowing that He will give us what we ask, because we're really asking for the very things He wants.

The thing is that I had an experience last year where I knew we were in the right. We were standing up for things God wants, like justice, truth, integrity. I prayed using scripture. I was SURE it was in line with the heart of God.

But we lost. The "bad" guys won.

It completely shook my confidence. In prayer, in justice, in God. I really struggled for months after that. I thought I had worked through everything, but this chapter just stirred things up.

I had to have a talk with Jesus. We met under the weeping willow tree. It had been a while. I wanted answers. I asked Him to help me see things from His perspective. I tried to just sit quietly and listen. 

I was a little surprised by the residual anger. He tried to help me see how He was working out His will in the life of every person involved.  He reminded me that people are now coming around and we are slowly being vindicated.

But I see residual damage. I have lost my way where prayer is concerned. Mr. carries deep discouragement from that time which he has not been able to shake. Other lives were affected negatively too, and I haven't yet seen them come to healing or epiphany.

He reminded me that it is up to the individual how they respond to difficulties. And that my viewpoint is VERY limited and I don't have to see or understand for it to be right.

So, I'm a little sober and pensive tonight. A lot to think about. And…well, pray about. ???