Well, last night I missed posting for the first time when I didn't have a legitimate reason, like traveling or lack of internet. I simply fell asleep. I couldn't keep my eyes open.
I did get a photo yesterday, though, which I keep telling myself was the original point of this blog. To capture at least one shot of beauty each day. SO, I'll post two tonight. BUT it doesn't make me feel much better about skipping a night. Hope it doesn't become a habit.
I don't know why I was so tired. I spent the morning with a friend who used to live here, and was visiting for a few short days. Then I had a coaching meeting after lunch. Back home I worked on a brochure and messed around on the internet until supper.
Not a strenuous day. However, when Mr. started reading some chapters from a book after supper, which we're supposed to read for an online class, I simply couldn't stay awake. I finally gave up, and so did he, as he had to continually stop reading while I kept jerking awake.
The kitty has been sleeping in bed with us, which might be contributing to my weariness. She's being good, but I think I try to lie very, very still because she cuddles up right next to me and I don't want to disturb her. I wake up with sore muscles from lying in one position. I don't know that I sleep as deeply as I did before.
But it's oh so worth it when she cuddles up against me, purrs, and looks at me with those big eyes. I'd purr back if I could.
Today was a day full of teaching and facilitating. Not bad. The thing that stands out most is (again) the kitty. This morning I was drying my hair after taking a shower, but before getting fully dressed. She decided she wanted to see what was going on, so she took a running leap and embedded her claws in my back so she could climb up to my shoulder.
I must admit, part of this is my fault, because I let her do it when she was littler, and even now it isn't SO bad when I'm fully dressed. (although I do get gouged by the occasional claw) But today, the claws digging into bare skin. OUCH!!!!!!! I shrieked and Mr. came running. He rubbed alcohol onto my wounds, but wasn't terrible sympathetic, since I AM (admittedly) much too indulgent with her.
Even now she's waiting for some play time before bed.
And I'm sorry to all of you who aren't kitty lovers. This has been a pretty kitty dominated post.
So, now for some depth. I am coming to grips with the fact that I'm not actually a very nice person. I hide it well, but the running commentary in my head really makes me worry sometimes. I mean, if anyone were ever to actually HEAR what I think, I would be so ashamed. And the worst part is that God actually DOES hear. All of it. I can be so judgmental, critical, and snide.
Shameful. If I get to heaven and they play back all those scenes like they do in some movies, with the protagonist's thoughts audible, I will be so ashamed. Shouldn't that be enough to deter me now?
No. Especially because it's all too easy to think, "No one knows, and it really isn't hurting anyone."
But really, at the very least it's hurting me. If I continue allowing those thoughts and attitudes to run unchecked, it will eventually slip out. You know, "the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart," and such. And what does this say about my heart??
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