So, I really did see beauty today, but I didn't stop to take a photo of anything until this evening. The day has been busy non-stop, from early morning until late.
In spite of that fact, it has been a rather reflective day. Not sure, really, how that happened. But I like it.
So, we (Mr. and I) were helping once again with this storytelling workshop. They started the day by singing a song, and someone requested "Great is Thy Faithfulness". We all sang the first, most familiar, verse and the chorus and stopped. I don't think many people felt sure of the words from there. I, however, grew up in an old conservative church, and so the words of the second verse started rolling through my head. And they struck me in a new way with their depth, richness, and timeliness.
"Pardon for sin, and a peace that endureth,"
"Thine own dear presence, to cheer and to guide."
"Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,""Blessings all mine, plus ten thousand beside."
Peace has been Jesus' most recent message to my heart, and before that He was working to remind me of His continual presence. Well, that one is an ongoing process.
For almost 2 years now Mr. and I have been begging for guidance, but still feel that we have very little clarity. Almost like God is asking us to depend on Him to get through today, and trust Him for tomorrow.
Peace, God's presence, strength, and hope. Really, each of those are huge gifts. 10,000 other ones? I thought I was doing well to make a list of 1,000. Guess I have a ways to go.
It was a beautiful devotional moment, so personal and fitted exactly to my current needs. All in the middle of a crowded, noisy meeting room.
Later, as the participants were working in small groups, I sat in a corner and did some required reading for a coaching class we're taking first thing tomorrow (as in 6:00 am). It outlined four personality types. I've taken tests like this before; everyone has their own system. But today's reading really clarified and confirmed a suspicion that has been gradually dawning in my mind.
I am a walking mass of contradictions.
Out of the four personality types, one really resonated with me. The Bible character who shared this personality was Mary (as in Lazarus' and Martha's sister). Cool. I like her. We're all supposed to be like her and not like that busy sister of hers. Relational, reflective, encouraging. More interested in people than in tasks. I was pretty pleased with where I had fallen out.
However, they also asked us to identify our secondary personality type, and wouldn't you know it, the one I picked used Martha as an example. Type A, task oriented, achiever. Busy and efficient.
Really? Could they be any more opposite?? No wonder I often feel an inner conflict when I have to make a choice about how to spend my time, or about what my priorities should be. I have a kind of schizophrenic battle of these two very different sisters going on in my heart and mind. Seriously uncool.
I also realized that before coming to this Asian country, I think the traits would have been reversed. In the US, our goal-oriented, success-glorifying culture affirmed and rewarded the more Martha-like parts of me. Although I had Mary-like tendencies, my task orientation was definitely the dominant side.
Living in a more relation Asian culture, working in people-focused ministry, and repeatedly facing frustration as I continually failed to achieve my desired results—all these things have shaken my Martha confidence and pushed me more toward Mary.
Not a bad shift, really, but I still have to deal with these two polar opposites fighting within me. But at least I am now aware of the cause of the tension I often feel.
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