them

So, today was the first day the restaurant was open. I did not go in to work there, even though I have some things to finish up. I did, however, take over some "good luck" flowers. I think they were a hit.

I was home and did errands most of the day. Tried to catch up on some computer work. I feel like I wasted a lot of time, although I accomplished maybe 75% of the things I wanted to do. Could have done better.

One goal was to slip away for a massage; reward myself for finishing a big job. (Well, practically finished.) I got there, they showed me into a room, I changed out of my clothes, laid down on the table and covered up with the wrap they had given me. At that point the receptionist came in and asked if I could wait a little bit, because all their masseuses were busy.

I was put out. Not at having to wait, but at not having a choice, really, at that point. I was completely undressed. I felt manipulated that they didn't inform me of the situation sooner, and I let her know it. She said it would be just 5 minutes, but I have heard that before. Here 5 minutes can mean 15 or 20; they just say that to make you feel better about waiting. I clearly expressed my displeasure.

She left, flustered, and I fumed on the table. There I was, soothing music, beautiful room, fresh flowers, boiling mad inside. And then, after about 5 minutes, a lady came in and began massaging.

Well, then my anger turned to guilt and remorse. I was so disappointed in myself. I had trouble relaxing and enjoying the massage because I was busy chiding myself for being such an ass.

I came to realize 2 things. The first problem is a matter of pronouns. I wasn't seeing that receptionist as her, I was seeing her as them. It's easy to snap at them. "I hate it when they do this." "They always do that!" They do not have families or feelings. She does.

Secondly, it's a problem of humility. I somehow feel that I have a right to demand to be treated in a certain way. I deserve better. My goals and desires are most important.

My thoughts whirled for about half of the massage, and then I started to relax. I was actually able to enjoy some of it—especially the back and the head. You know those tingles of sheer pleasure that go all the way down to your toes? Yes. That was awesome. I thanked and tipped the masseuse.

And I apologized to the receptionist on the way out.

The cat, by the way, has been a real hoot tonight. She has bursts of energy, racing around like crazy, careening off of walls and furniture. We have this little ball that she loves chasing, and it has gotten a lot of use tonight. Then she'll just flop down where she is, exhausted. But it doesn't take her long to get a second wind, and she's off again. Too funny!