I tried to have devotions twice today, and fell asleep both times. What's the deal with that? I have the feeling I'm not the only person who struggles with this problem.
It's troubling, though. Does it mean I'm overstimulated? Am I incapable of sitting quietly and pondering deeply, without something to keep me engaged? Am I simply so weary from a life of constant motion that I fall asleep the moment I bring my mind, body and emotions to a place of peace and focus? How am I going to really dig in and pursue Jesus if I can't stay awake to do so?
I stopped to visit an old lady today. She's 77, and lives with her daughter at a flower shop near my house. I got to know her a few years at the park, where we both "exercised" (at different levels of intensity, of course).
When we returned a few months ago, I still saw her sitting outside, and she remembered my face the first few times. Lately, though, I haven't seen her. When I asked, the told me she was sick. I stopped today again, after many more weeks, to see how she was doing. She still couldn't be out, but they invited me up to her bedroom to see her.
What a difference. Not only did she not remember me at all, they whispered to me that she doesn't often remember her own kids. The beginning of her troubles was that she had fallen and broken some bones in her legs. Now she can't walk around. And, while she had been mentally lively and talkative before, she barely mumbled today, very hard to understand.
I feel that she's nearing death, although she could surprise me. But it's clear that she's slipping mentally. I walked home thinking I'd like her to go to heaven. We never had any spiritual talks, she was strong in her traditions, and now I feel like it's too late. I don't think she's comprehending much at all. What should I do? Should I have done something earlier?
I am just not good at this.
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