busted

So, I think I'm coming out of whatever this funk was this weekend. My apologies to my faithful blogging readers. I haven't been myself. Or maybe I've been too much myself. 

It was a pretty productive day, although not everything went as I expected it to. Found my photo of beauty first thing in the morning on our way to breakfast. That was nice.

Home, worked on e-mail, got a bit distracted by a new game on Facebook. Edited something for Mr. Had a lot more computer work to do, but decided to stop and study the Bible for a while.

It was so good! No weeping willow tree today, but I definitely met with God. Chapter 16 of Ezekiel. The story of Israel's unfaithfulness from God's perspective as a betrayed husband. His pain and outrage are so raw. The descriptions of Israel's unfaithfulness are shocking.

And then, out of the blue, God began dealing with me about my attitude the past few days. It was a cross-reference to Micah 6:8 that got me. Felt the eyes begin to fill, the familiar tightening of the throat. And the sinking feeling that told me I had blown it again.

…And what does the Lord require of you

But to do justice, to love kindness,

And to walk humbly with your God?

To do justice and love kindness. I'm going to have to study those words a bit more, because sometimes it seems like those are opposites, and you have to choose one or the other. But to be fair, I've been more about judgment than justice recently, and kindness has been missing from my repertoire. 

But the thing that struck me most was the need to walk humbly with God. When will my soul learn to yield? Why does it keep rising up— angry, wild, and frantic? Why can't I rest in Him, trusting that He is in control. He doesn't need me to fix things. I don't have any solutions. Let it go. Walk humbly.

And now I feel a bit tired, like someone who has finally given in after a long struggle. And relieved. I don't have to fight this situation any more; I just have to give it to Him. I might play a part in the solution, I don't know. But not by my own strength or wisdom. Only by walking in humble obedience, my soul attentive to His.

Anyway, after that the rest of the day felt a little anticlimactic. Mr. got subs for lunch, I got supper going in the crock pot. Did a bit more computer work, played with the cat (she's hilarious!), exercised. I made it all the way through the 1 hour zumba workout. Whew! Showered, wrote our weekly update, sent a few more e-mails. Tried to make phone calls: O for three. Nobody answered. At least I tried.

I'm going to bed much more at peace tonight. The trick will be to hold on to this lesson tomorrow, and the day after that, and all the days after that.