death

I know. This seems like a depressing topic. But I guess my mind is still on it after yesterday.

One funny story first, though: yesterday when Mr. and I left our apartment to go to the funeral we were stopped about 3 times in the 20 feet it took to get to our vehicle by neighbors telling us how nice we looked, wondering what were we doing? were we going somewhere special? They were so cheerful and complimentary it seemed a shame to tell them we were going to a funeral. But tell them we did, and they were instantly subdued and a little embarrassed they had made such a big deal out of it. I guess Mr. and I should dress up more…

So, I was lying awake in the wee hours of the morning thinking about things. This is becoming an increasingly bad habit of mine. I don't know why, but worries and heavy thoughts seem to ambush me in the middle of the night. They are so much harder to deal with then than they are in the middle of the day. If I could just keep from waking up I'd be OK…but invariably either my bladder or the kitty rouse me before dawn.

Anyway, I was thinking about life and funerals and the future when I remembered what our pastor said just this past Sunday. It really struck me, and I pondered it again last night. He said, "We just say death is a part of life. But it isn't. We are told death is natural. But that's not true. In the perfection of creation there was no death. God never intended it. Death is a result of the fall. A result of sin." (Well, he said something like that. This is my summary.)

I had never thought about it like that before, but he's right. Death is not the way it's supposed be. It's the result of a very broken system, and one day all will be fixed and death will disappear. WOW. Good news.

I have also been trying to come to grips with the fact that things don't always turn out positively. My naturally optimistic outlook is slowly being eroded. Sometimes doing the right thing gets you hurt. Sometimes people let you down. Sometimes a small spot on your skin turns out to be something serious. Sometimes people leave in the morning and don't come back in the evening.

That little voice in my heart that says, "Everything's going to be OK," is getting less and less confident.

But I seemed to hear God answer last night. "Just as I did not plan death into the original creation, neither did I include sickness or pain. I long for my creatures to live in peace, safety and security, as do you. But this world has been wounded by sin. Your desire for such a world is not wrong; it echoes My heart. But you are mistaken to expect it from this life."

Slowly, slowly. I think I'm getting it. Maybe I'll sleep a little better tonight.