here

Well, the time has arrived. We are here at the guest house, with the seminar looming tomorrow. And I'm doing OK. And it's a good feeling.

It happened just as I expected. I woke up at 3:30 in the morning to go to the bathroom, and couldn't go back to sleep. I laid awake worrying and fretting about all the things that needed to be done.  Wondering how in the world it would all get accomplished.

Finally about 4:30 I stopped trying to sleep and got up. I wanted to quiet my mind because it was still in a whirl. So I read the Bible and a devotional book. It occurred to me (finally) that trying to accomplish everything in the nervous energy that had been building up in me, was a bad idea. I do not want to live in that tense, keyed-up state. Instead, I need to do all that I do in God's strength. I don't really know how that works, but I do know that after I came to that realization, I fell asleep for a little while.

The rest of the day was devoid of panic. Amazing. And I got almost everything done. And the stuff that didn't get done, it really didn't matter. I even got "unessential" things done, like exercising, calling my parents, coaching, folding laundry, and some quiet reflection time. Wow. The day was not at all like I expected it to be. Instead of panic and rush, it was peace and rest.

And I even had a chance to catch some fun photos. Imagine, stopping to take photos in a day packed full of things to do.

So, now we're here. It seems we have internet, so I'll try to post tonight. Pizza is coming soon, and we'll have some time with our co-leaders, some time to work, and then hopefully an early bed time.

I am thinking about today and wondering why it seems so odd. I have never approached a project in this way before. Always, ALWAYS I geared myself up, I buckled down, I pushed through, I stressed and strained, I hurried and hustled. I never knew there was any other way to do it. In fact, our whole society—Christian as well as non-Christian—seems to attack things that way. Driven and driving, pushing to achieve and accomplish. I mean, in the Christian world it's always with good motives for good causes, but still… it all seems to be under our own steam. I can't count how many people in ministry I have watched wear themselves thin and/or burn out. That can't be how it's supposed to work! Teetering on that dangerous precipice myself, I look back and wonder, what in the world drove me to such lengths, at such a cost?

It certainly wasn't God. I was far too busy to hear from Him.

But again, I admittedly don't know much about the power of God. As in, how do I live and work in His power and not my own. What I do know is today was great. I want to do it like this all the time!