bushed

I was going to title this entry "tired" but I have already used that word. Then I thought of choosing "weary", but that has also already been a title. I am going have to think of lots more words to express tiredness, if I'm going to keep up this pace.

So, it was the first day of our two-day seminar. It went well, but I felt like I was just running from one thing to the next all day. I didn't feel like I got to connect with people the way I wanted to. And I don't know that it's going to get better. I'll need to think things through to help it flow a little more smoothly tomorrow.

We are back at our apartment now. We only stayed at the guest house one night. We just wanted some time at home. It was supposed to be down time, but it isn't working out that way. We had errands to run, copies to make, lessons to think through. I just want to go to bed, but I have this blog to write, a bit more prep to do, and a bored little kitty who wants some play time.

I don't know. It's not that bad. I shouldn't be bellyaching, really. And it's just one more day of pushing.

Inwardly my good attitude pretty much carried through from yesterday. I didn't feel panicked or stressed. I will admit I did feel a bit snappy first off in the morning when the snack preparations hadn't been done as I had arranged for them to be. When I spoke with the manager of the building a few days ago, I had had the feeling I wasn't being heard. My suspicions were confirmed when I arrived this morning. I think the national staff felt my frustration a little bit, but I hope I reigned it in quickly enough. I hate that.

I never used to be this way, but living here has made me feel that I have to fight to get things done. No one is going to look out for your welfare; you have to look out for yourself. It is almost second nature to believe that people are taking advantage of you, disrespecting you, or just don't care. And unfortunately the way I learned to cope is to push back.

And I don't think that's necessarily the right answer.

And I don't like being that person.

And in reality, the snags that we had were really small. All in all things went very well.

So, my goal for tomorrow is to have a little more time first off to calm myself and center my focus on God, so that I respond to every situation with more grace. My goal for the next hour is to finish prep and play with the kitty. I am soooo ready for bed.

The photo for today is one of the plates of snacks that I was responsible for organizing. It really took a good bit of my time and attention, so I snapped a photo. Not classic beauty, I suppose, but it looked pretty good to me when it all came together. Besides, I think I might have a future in food photography. ;-)