depth

Obviously, the titles that start with "over" are… over.

So, today was better. I don't know what made the difference. I took time to do a some devotions first thing. I exercised. I prayed a bit. After breakfast I sat down to make a list and try to figure out what exactly needed to be done. It was slow going at first, but I think I have things straightened out a bit. It feels good to at least see it written down. Although there IS a lot on that list.

And then what did I do? Dishes. It wasn't on my list, but needed done anyway. It's a big change for me. Unfortunately, when I was younger, if life got busy (which it was most of the time) all the "mundane" things of life—namely, housework—would just get neglected. Just ask my roommate after college. Apologies, H!

But now I'm finding it calms me and grounds me to do some of those every-day tasks. It was quite gratifying to see a mound of clean dishes drying, instead of a pile of dirty ones.

In the process of my planning, I found out that I have a paper due for my on-line class at the end of next week. I didn't know about it, and it's really good I discovered it now. I still don't know what in the world I'm going to write about, but at least I have a little time to work on it.

And did you know that the first ever dance studio has opened in my city? As far as I know it's the only one in the whole country. I'm SO excited on one hand. I was taking dance when I got married—a lifelong desire which I only realized after college—and then gave it up when we moved here. I checked out the schedule and rates, and everything looks doable.

On the other hand… I am a little hesitant. The stripping away of all those things that I loved—art, music, dance, theater—has actually been good for me. It has forced me to turn to God alone to find joy and fulfillment. It's been an incredible journey, but I have so far to go. I fear getting too busy again. Before my marriage, I rushed from one thing to another, filling my days as full as possible. Now the pace is not as frantic, but I still do not live at the depth and richness that I want to. I am concerned about life picking up so much speed that I just start skimming across the surface again.

I don't know. I really want to do it. But I'm not sure.

Anyway, I did a little more surfing of the internet, looking for places to stay during our sabbatical next year. I didn't find much, but for some reason I don't feel as hopeless as I did last night. Just a different day, a different outlook. I don't know why, exactly. But it's good to feel a bit better.