identity

I met early this week with a woman. She is a very unhappy person, and always seems to be in crisis. In all honesty, I was not looking forward to the meeting.

I prayed and asked God to help me love her in the way He did. I read John chapter 1 first thing in the morning, and the phrase "grace and truth" seemed to stand out to me. I asked Him to show me how to be a voice of both grace and truth in her life today.

At some point during the conversation she revealed that one message that had come through strongly in her younger formative years was that a woman's worth was in bearing children and pleasing her husband. She began looking for those roles to give her significance.

With a sad laugh of both bitterness and irony she said, "Look at me. I'm almost forty and not married yet. Where does that leave me?"

With shock I realized this person has been waiting for over half her life for identity. Waiting for a husband to define her. Waiting for her life to begin and feeling worthless in the mean time. It explained a lot.

I tried to convey her great value in God's eyes regardless of role or achievement. I reminded her that her position as a daughter of God is what should define her. I told her she had a lot to offer.

She looked at me out of the corners of her eyes with a bemused smile, not believing me at all. I could feel her ache, her longing to embrace my words. Could it really be? And as soon as hope flickered it died instantly, smothered by years of self-loathing and rejection.

As we finished our talk I realized that I hadn't persuaded her or fixed her. But at least I spoke some truth. And I thanked God for answering my prayer, because He had helped me see her through His eyes.