undisciplined

Yes, I'm still sick. Yes, lying around the house is not doing much for my sense of worth, my sense of accomplishment. I know I don't feel good, but I am not even using this down time for quiet worthwhile pursuits. I'm mostly vegging in front of the TV or playing that stupid video game.

I did nap, the cat with me. After about an hour I woke up and realized she had 2/3 of the couch, and I was balancing on the edge of the couch, which was the 1/3 she left for me. 

But I'm disappointed with my lack of discipline. And it isn't just when I'm sick. I log onto that game, thinking, just 5 or 10 minutes, and it ends up being half an hour or more. I have trouble turning off the TV, even when there isn't anything on and I'm sick of the noise. 

I want a still and quiet mind. I want depth and reflection. Why don't I make the choices that will bring me those things? Why do those things seem like much harder work than quick, mindless entertainment? In the end, I know I would feel more rested. More grounded and steady.

Bah. But for now, I just feel rotten and my mind is mushy with congestion. And if I were disciplined, I would stop typing and go to bed. :-P